December 4 It's That Time of The Year...Let's Decorate!

Chrissy began putting up a few of our Christmas decorations. We have enough to fill a house three times the size of this one, so it is a pick & choose type of project. Just for the record, we only decorate the interior of our house. This isn't because we do not want to offend those who do not believe in Christmas. I would say "Fuck Them!" but that wouldn't be in the spirit of the season now, would it? We don't decorate the outside because I'm not risking serious injury to myself so others can look at my house outlined in 50,000 watts of illumination. Hey if you think that means I do not know how to celebrate Christmas correctly. Kiss my Xmas and make sure someone you trust is holding that ladder. Let's take a look at a few of our decorations, shall we.

Why not begin with a manger scene, isn't that what we are celebrating? The birth of our savior. Hmmm, this particular scene seems to depict the birth of a bear. Maybe I need to reread my bible. I remember something about Jesus feeding a few hundred people with one loaf of bread but I do not recall the Bible verse where Jesus Christ is standing in a river catching salmon in his mouth. What else do we have around here?

OK, I see Santa holding a baby seal. Well at least he's not holding a baseball bat in his other hand. Then there's another Santa holding a lantern riding a polar bear. Maybe Santa had a bad experience with a very hungry polar bear and decided to switch to reindeer. Or maybe, the first Santa is going to feed the baby seal to the polar bear so it doesn't eat the Santa riding him. The third Santa looks a bit thin with useless legs. Maybe he's the forgotten Santa brother that contract polio as a child.

 

Another manger scene. This one full of completely fictional characters. How ironic! Hey Chrissy, do we have an actual manger scene with a baby Jesus or are we going to Hell?

I can not goof on this Mr. & Mrs. Claus decoration. I took this from my Grandma & Grandpa Ott's apartment and it has a lot of sentimental value. I spent a lot of memorable Christmases at their apartment. I also have their grandma & grandpa dolls that they kept on their bed. I guess it was a good thing that Mr. & Mrs. Claus were attached to a base because my mother would put the grandma & grandpa dolls into different sexual positions every day. And every night you would hear my grandmother laughing as she went to bed. Thankfully the Clauses were spared that indignity.