October 25 Vinyl Records

Today I did something I haven't done in over 20 years. I unwrapped a vinyl record, an LP...a long play 33-1/3 RPM record. One of my favorite bands, Marah, have released their latest record on CD, cassette or LP. That's right I bought "Life Is A Problem" on high quality 180 gram vinyl.

I can not remember the last LP I bought. I do remember I got my first CD player as a Christmas present from by brother, Jeff, in 1987. I'm not sure why I bought this record. I guess I wanted to support one of my favorite bands and I felt like checking out the LP. The pop as I dropped the needle onto the record definitely brought back memories of my younger days. The few seconds of quiet static before the first song began almost brought tears to my eyes. Even though it was a single LP, it was a gatefold album package.

As the record played, I sat there reading the lyrics, the band members names and which instruments they played and the credits. I spent most of my youth doing this exact thing. It was how I learned about the bands. This is how I became a fan of rock'n'roll music. Sure I felt like a kid again today...what's wrong with that?

As I read the lyrics, I sang along to the songs. I checked out the amusing artwork on the LP jacket. I loved holding that gate fold album, mostly because at my age it is much larger and therefore easier to read than CD booklets. When CD's first came out, I used to have Vinyl Sundays. I would only play my old records on Sunday. When I had to flip this record over after only five songs...I remembered why Vinyl Sundays came to an end. But today I was happy to get up and flip the record. And just in case you think I am some old lone wolf trying to relive some childhood memories, I 'll end today's blog with a true story. On the Saturday night before I injured my leg, Chrissy & I went to see the Mighty, Mighty Bosstones at Riot Fest. It was a four day, multiple venue punk rock show. That night at the Congress Theater just about every band merchandise table had vinyl records for sale. When we got on the subway, there were four different kids holding LP's from the show. I had to smile. Like The Who once said...the kids are alright.

October 16 The Shower And The Damage Done

One of the greatest moments of my life occurred last night. After 6 days without a shower, I was sitting in my shower on a plastic bench that Chrissy's Great Aunt Ann gave us. I reached forward and turned on the water. I will never forget how incredible that water felt as it cascaded down my grunge covered damaged body. I sat there for what seemed like an eternity before I washed up. It felt so good, I washed a second time. I was in heaven until the bench started collapsing under my fat ass. As I sank lower and lower into the tub, I struggled to reach through the shower curtain, grab my crutches and pull myself out of the tub without slipping on the now soaking wet floor. WARNING! WARNING WILL ROBINSON! GRAPHIC PICTURES! DO NOT CONTINUE TO SCROLL DOWN UNLESS YOU CAN STAND THE SIGHT OF MY NAKED LEG!!!! THE SURGERY SCARS ARE PRETTY COOL BUT MY NAKED LEG IS DISTURBING TO MOST PEOPLE ESPECIALLY MY WIFE.

Here is where the artery was repaired. The staples go from my calf, across the back of my knee and up my thigh.

This is the bigger of the two faciotomy incisions. This was performed to relieve the pressure caused by compartment syndrome in my leg. The lower stapled incision is where the vein was removed and used to repair the artery.

Here's my fucked up leg. There is still swelling even with the faciotomy. We have to pack the wounds with gauze and wrap my leg twice a day. So that is what happened to me. Now I wait for these open wounds to close up and begin rehab as soon as possible.

October 11 - 15 My Hospital Visit

So where do I begin? The last thing I remember is being in the emergency room and Chrissy is laughing hysterically. Let's backtrack a few hours, earlier that day Chrissy noticed that one of my ass cheeks had a lot less hair than the other. I figured it had to do with how my jeans rubbed across my ass as I got in and out of my work van. Now back to the emergency room, the surgeon came in and wrote on my left leg so there was no mistake in the operating room. This was a little unnerving especially since that leg was currently three times the size of my right leg. On his way out he told me that they would have to shave my leg. Chrissy burst out laughing. As they wheeled me to the OR, the last thing she said to me was "maybe they can shave the other side of your ass so both cheeks match."
The next thing I remember is waking up, disorientated and not sure where I was. A nurse asked me "On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?" I believe my response was something along the lines of  "it fucking hurts!" She calmly asked again. As I began to remember where I was and what had happened to me, she began to ask ask again. I cut her off by saying, "my pain goes to fucking eleven!" Apparently she wasn't a big fan of  'Spinal Tap' because she asked Chrissy if I was always like this. When Chrissy said yes, I heard several nurses say "you poor girl".
I spent 3 days in the Cardio Vascular Intensive Care Unit because the hospital had no rooms available. The highlights of my time were....being told by every medical person that they could not believe I ruptured an artery the way I did....having visitors especially since it was damn near impossible to get into the CVICU, so thank you to those that made it in to see me...being surprised by my mom showing up on Tuesday night and not being surprised that she threatened me with physical violence by Wednesday morning after I said "so emergency surgery is what it takes to get you to visit me"....the real highlight was watching the catheter being removed from my, well you know from where, after I saw the size of that rubber tube I told the nurse that I was damn glad I was knocked out when they put that in.

So here I am in the ICU. I learned a lot about medical issues during my time here. Did you know that anesthesia and pain killing narcotics will cause severe constipation? I had no idea until I realized I hadn't taken a shit for 3 days. Of course, I was eating shit because I was in the Cardiac ICU and placed on a restricted diet. I never knew food could be so bland. I had Chrissy bring me White Castle to solve both of these problems. Even the sliders couldn't break through the constipation. My mom told the nurse that I should be given Milk Of Magnesia. The nurse looked horrified but said she would check with the doctor. My mom hounded the nurses all day to get me some milk of magnesia. As I was being transferred to my own room, Chrissy & my mom left for dinner and the nurse gave me the milk of magnesia. I get settled in my own room on the Cardiac floor and I am introduced to the nurses and aides. The nurses aide assigned to me is Lashonda, a 110 pound black woman who is extremely pregnant. As she leaves she tells me to press the call button if I need anything. Because I am a fall risk, I have to call anytime I want to move. Five minutes later the milk of magnesia is beginning to take effect. I figure I can hold it off for awhile...thirty seconds later...I'm pressing the call button. As Lashonda helps me to the bathroom, I have two thoughts...if I fall I will crush this pregnant woman and then I will shit all over her. I make it to the bathroom and spend a good 10 minutes making sure I'm done before pressing the call button. I settle back in my chair as I thank Lashonda. Five minutes later I am in severe pain in my bowels and pressing the call button. This occurs repeatedly throughout the evening. I tell the nurse to get another bed ready because I'm going to kill my mother. Chrissy comes in without my mother who decided to stay at the house. I am surprised she didn't show so she could enjoy in person the pain and discomfort she caused me. Over the course of three hours, I swear I shit over a dozen times. By the end I had stuff coming out of me that I had eaten ten years ago. I must have lost 5 pounds during my shitting frenzy. I should have known my mom didn't fly out over her concern for me, it was to torture me.
After five days in the hospital I managed to survive the surgery, the food, the Milk of Magnesia and my mom. I was released. I do not think I ever went five days without going outside. It was a glorious feeling to be wheeled outside. The crisp fall air, the sunshine, the slight breeze, the blue sky. It was amazing how great it felt to be outdoors...I was lost in the moment when Chrissy drove up, opened the car door and said "get in gimp." I laughed with her and karma laughed at me.

October 10 Kissing The Frog or How To Fuck Up A Perfect Day or The What, Why & How

It started out as a perfect day. 80 degrees and sunny in mid October in Chicago. Unbelievable. Who knows if we'll have a day this nice again until May 2011. So I decide to go bike riding at Sweet Woods. That's me. Always thinking about me, me , me. I haven't been riding in a few weeks. Damn, I have a flat tire. (This is a literary technique called foreshadowing or something like that). I change the inner tube in the front tire and off I go. It hasn't rained much lately and the main trail is very dry and even sandy in some places. I stop twice to check my rear tire which feels like it is slipping somewhat. I find no problems and figure it is just the extremely dry trail with loose dirt.(more foreshadowing) It feels great riding through the woods. Then I find a frog in the middle of the trail. I stop and put him in the grass off the trail. I continue on not realizing how quickly my perfect day was about to take a very serious turn.

THE WHAT.....I was cruising along at a pretty good clip for my limited skill level. I went down a ravine, crossed the pile of sticks and branches placed at the bottom to smooth out the transition to the uphill side. I start pedaling hard to make the climb up out of the ravine. I do not notice that the chain has popped off the sprocket....my foot still on the pedal slams down onto the ground.....I think to myself..."motherfucker that hurt". It was an incredible bolt of pain in my lower left leg. I figured I pulled my calf muscle. I stretch it, the pain subsides to an ache... my extensive medical training tells me that riding some more will make it feel better...so I ride on. After riding two of the side loops, the increasing pain in my leg says to go home.
THE WHY...I was barbecuing dinner while hopping around on one leg...I already had halibut defrosting so I decided not to waste it...I began to do what I do best...beat myself up....I wonder why this happened to me....as usual I have to answer myself...because I had options today...I could have watched my friend Debbie run in the Chicago Marathon today...or I could have gone to a family get together for a baby shower...but NOOOOO!!!! I had to go riding...why???...because I wanted to...it's all about me. After dinner I did what you are supposed to do for a pulled muscle...ice it and elevate it. Now what the fuck is happening...in 15 minutes my left leg below my knee down through my foot is three times the size of my right leg...off to the ER I go.
THE HOW...it turns out I have a ruptured popliteal artery in my leg and I have compartment syndrome too. So at two in the morning, the cardiac team is coming in to surgically repair my leg. The surgeon can't believe my story. Neither can any of the other 50 or so nurses, doctors and aides that I talked to during my week  in the hospital. The term freak accident is said repeatedly. Usually the artery is damaged when the bone breaks in a real accident like a car crash. The next day, I ask the surgeon how did this happen. His best guess is that maybe I hyper-extended my knee or even dislocated my knee and it damaged the artery. Then I relocated it by slamming my foot on the ground. The other possibility is the compartment syndrome crushed the artery also a freak occurrence. As I was anesthetized for the surgery it all seemed like a fairy tale and I thought to myself ...you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.