Does He Still Shit In His Pants?

December 16, 2011 Christmas In NYC Part 2

2012-01-29T13:37:00.002-06:00

In case you wonder what we do in NYC everytime we visit...today's blog will answer that question. We wander aimlessly. Today we started at Ground Zero. It is once again being called the World Trade Center site.

Across the street is Liberty Plaza Park, now known as Zuccotti Park the birthplace of the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations.

As you can see there is a huge police presence here, but the OWS people are no longer allowed to demonstrate here. Our government only supports protests and uprisings in other countries. They quickly squash them here in the supposed land of the free.

This is WTC Tower One.

While Chrissy shopped for shoes at Century 21, I strolled through the graveyard at Trinity Church where Alexander Hamilton is buried. The tombstone above is for someone who died in 1759.

The graveyard is surrounded by Wall Street businesses.

A very interesting walk at a beautiful church...

...that was once the tallest building in NYC.

City Hall Park in downtown Manhattan

It was a nice winter day...

...New Yorkers were enjoying the sunshine.

This man builds low budget hotels and has many code violations besides using non union labor.

Of course we stopped to pet these two Great Pyrenees who were out for a walk this fine morning.

We walked up to Chinatown where these losers were fighting over $2 sweaters...

...wait a minute what is my wife doing at the far end of the table. Damn tourist!

Canal Street where cultures meet.

Little Italy on Mulberry Street

Chinatown on Grand Street

We took the B train to Prospect Park where we ran into a common problem that plagues many cities during an economic downturn. The locals were begging. We had lunch with Chrissy's friend Terry, who is the animal curator at the Prospect Park Zoo in Brooklyn.

After lunch we walked through downtown Brooklyn. Here is the Soldier's and Sailor's Arch at the Grand Army Plaza.

Then it was back into Manhattan for a stop at the Chelsea Market where we shopped at two pop up artist fairs. This cute juggler was outside the Jingle Market.

Another Christmas Art Fair brought us to Grand Central Station. We were hoping for a flash mob sing-a-long but no such luck for us.

After dinner in Brooklyn at Strong Place, we stopped for a late night snack at the Brooklyn Farmacy. Then we walked back to the Inn on Second. So that is how we spent our day in NYC.

December 15, 2011 Christmas In NYC Part 1

2012-01-22T11:44:00.002-06:00

Breakfast at The Le Petit Cafe in Brooklyn...Here's Chrissy wondering why she ever married me.

We had breakfast in the backroom which is a beautiful room in the courtyard behind the building...

...it is an amazing place to have a meal.

The creche at St. Mary Star of the Sea Church which is where Al Capone married an Irish girl. Someone walking by said someone stole baby Jesus. My Italian Aunt said the church doesn't put baby Jesus into the creche until December 25th because that's when he was born.

A more modern Christmas scene on a fire escape.

A old fashion news stand at Bryant Park. We spent the day at pop up street fairs through out the city. We began at the Christmas Fair at Bryant Park.

Chrissy relaxing in Madison Square Park.

We found this strange statue at Union Square Park .

I am just amusing myself with this picture.

While Chrissy shopped at Le Chateau on lower Broadway, I wandered over to my favorite park in the city, Washington Square Park. As I relaxed on a park bench I listened to a musician play Christmas carols under the Arch. I was amused by a mom who told her young son, in an effort to make him keep up with her, that there are polar bears in the park. I laughed out loud when he stopped and began to look for the polar bears. I also enjoyed an only in New York moment where a young female film student asked a group of older men who were sitting on the bench near me to be part of a film she was shooting. They agreed. So she shot a musician friend who played guitar while the group watched. But this being NYC, the men started clapping along and stomping their feet to the music. After the five minute shoot, there were smiles, hugs and thanks. I love this fucking city. Then I saw Chrissy walking across the park towards me with her shopping bags and a smile on her face. It was like our own movie scene. So I got up and hugged her and off we went to meet my artist friend, Marie Roberts for dinner. That is what visiting New York City is like...a bunch of scenes from your own personal movie.

December 14, 2011 The 2001 Christmas Letter

2012-01-16T20:19:00.005-06:00

2001…Once again I must recapour last 365 days in a somewhat humorous fashion. This is obviously a toughtask this year. Yes, I know I complain about writing this stupid newsletterevery year… well… perspective is one of many lessons I’ve learned this year.After Sept. 11, I learned a few other things about our country…America has someflaws but it’s wide variety of citizens can put aside their differences whenabsolutely necessary for the good of our country. We looked at everyone as an American…noother descriptive word…not black or white…not Republican or Democrat…not richor poor…just AMERICAN. People were nicer to each other. They showed respect tostrangers that a week earlier they would not have reached out a helping hand.The country stood together and accomplished things with one goal in mind…takingcare of those families most directly affected by the attacks. The weeksfollowing the attack were when I was most proud to be an American. Did itlast?…NO! Was there misguided anger?…YES! Will I continue to hope that somedayAmericans will live as one?…YES!!! Earlier in the year, Chrissy & I lost abig part of our lives. On March 16, we put Thunder to sleep. If he was in anypain, he hid it from us. He was getting old and it was obvious he was sick fromhis weight loss. That morning I had to carry him up the stairs. I took him fora final walk around the block. I swear if he could talk he would have told usit was time. I truly believe he was communicating it to me with his verydistinct facial expressions. While we waited at the vet clinic, he seemed tocomfort us as we tried to comfort him. I think of him to this day and get atear in my eye…I’ll be right back….He was such a good dog; it took 2 dogs toreplace him. I seem to lose the Christmas spirit a little more each year. Thisyear’s events haven’t helped with my lack of holiday cheer. It’s very hard tobe funny. There just wasn’t much I found amusing this year. SORRY to disappointeveryone, I just think the horror we witnessed on Sept 11 overshadows thecomedy Christy & I refer to as our life. BUT…WAIT A MINUTE…. WE VISITED MYPARENTS THIS SUMMER…OF COURSE I HAVE AMUSING STORIES. Now, sit back, relax andread in total disbelief about the shit that happens to us in the course of a year.

January I know my mom hates everyaspect of winter. The snow, the cold, the wind chill. I can truly say I wasmore shocked by my mother flying to Chicagoin January than some assholes flying planes into the Twin Towersin September. When she announced her plan to visit, I told Chrissy, “This is abad sign. She absolutely hates winter. She must be coming to say she is sickand only has a few weeks to live.” Otherwise, she’d wait until summer to makethe trip. The good news is she just missed her #1 SON. (Only son according tome) She is apparently is very healthy for a 54-year-old nurse that smokesconstantly. Even the frigid temperatures could not diminish her craving fornicotine, and yes…we did make her smoke outside. I seemed to recall somethingabout ‘living under my roof, my rules’ when I was a child. Revenge is sweet,even after all these years.

February We went on a tour along the Mississippi River to find nesting bald eagles. Sure thebus was filled with the usual tree hugging screwballs, but we kept to ourselvesand saw a bunch of eagles. I DJ’d Bernie & Susie’s Wedding. The highlightof the night was Bernie removing Susie’s garter, and not because it was way uphigh on her thigh, but because someone told me to play “Staying Alive” at thelast minute. Bernie’s dance across the floor toward Susie was classic. If youmissed it, get the video from them.

March Sure we joked about Thunder.We were calling him Dead Dog Walking for the past 6 months as he ambled acrossthe room. And I knew when the time came; there would be tears of sadness,sudden uncontrollable crying, voices trembling when talking about him andfinally the overwhelming feeling of emptiness and loss. I just hoped Christywould get over it quickly. Well it’s a good thing she did, because I was acomplete mess for a month. And quit laughing at me, some of you admitted cryingwhen you heard we put him down and that really touched me deeply…and made mecry like a baby once again. Chrissy got in touch with the Great PyreneesRescue, http://www.gpcgc.org/rescue.htm.We were told about a Pyr at the Animal Welfare League near us. I went to AWL tocheck on the dog. As soon as they brought him into the visiting room, he peedon my foot. “Son of a bitch!”, we took him anyway. We renamed him Glacier. Oncewe got him home, I sat him down in our yard & told him the only reason henow had a home was because Thunder was such a great dog. He yawned & peedon my foot. “Son of a bitch!”… He said, “Yes, I am.”

April Hey, not every month canhave a story. While proofreading this Chrissy remembered that Kimmie had a babygirl named Kristian. Stop laughing, I knew she had a baby; I just wasn’t surewhich month.

May Well after 8 longs years ofChristy bitching about remodeling the upstairs, a hockey-playing friend ofmine, Eric, started the job. When finished the attic will have been transformedin a master bedroom done in a rustic log cabin look. Doesn’t every authenticlog cabin have a hot tub and air conditioning? The reason for the log cabin issimple. It is where we will be vacationing until we pay for the remodeling.

June It always sounds like a goodidea. I’ll say, “Chris, let’s go to Californiato visit my parents.” WHY GOD, WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS SAY OK. We went sightseeingaround Long Beachwith the Delgado’s, who we saw for the first time since they moved to Cali. We also went on awild harbor cruise with Geo’s friend, Frank, which included dinner & lotsof alcohol at Dennis Rodman’s restaurant. Mrs. D was the only one of us to talkto the owner. We spent a night at my Aunt Pat & Uncle Ed’s house. Mycousins & their families all stopped by for dinner. It was great to seeeveryone and made up in a small way for being across the country on the usual familyholidays. We kept my aunt & uncle up until the middle of the night talkingabout everything, especially family. This night was the highlight of our trip.Then it happened, NIAGARA FALLS,STEP BY STEP, INCH BY INCH, we returned to my parent’s house. My dad was homefrom work before Ma. Bad sign, a mental patient needs his drugs and his is mymom. That was a good reason to hide at the pool until I had to leave for aconcert w/ Geo. Dad warned us not to walk on his wood floor with wet feetbecause it attracts termites. WHAT?!!! OK, WHATEVER! After splashing around fora few minutes, I had to get ready to go out. Christy stayed at the pool. As Iwalked in the mailman came by, I mentioned that the mail comes kind of late.The rest is a blur that will take years of therapy to forget…next thing I knowmy dad is flying off the handle about his job either mailing his paycheck homeor using direct deposit. I’m rationally trying to explain the advantage ofdirect deposit. He is screaming that he wants it handed to him every Friday.I’m standing in the doorway on the tile so my wet feet don’t attract termites.He starts dropping the two longest swear words known to everyone that justhappen to rhyme. He is dropping these bombs left & right along withsomething about not believing I could be his son. At this point, I wasbelieving the same thing and attempting to find psychiatric listings in thephone book. Chrissy was still sunbathing at the pool when the lady next to hersaid, “do you hear those two arguing”. Chris said, “Yes, that is my husband& his father”. The lady laughed & said, “I would not have admitted tothat”. Then Chrissy is at the door yelling for us to shut up the whole complexcan hear us. I quickly escape to the shower. As soon as I get out of the shower,he starts right up again. By now Georgie is there and he has his arm extendedtelling dad, “I’M NOT LISTENING… TALK TO THE HAND”. He called Marcy and had herrescue Chris. Gee, I can’t imagine what those two talked about over dinner.

July We offered to help the GreatPyrenees Rescue by fostering a dog that was abandoned by her owners. Her nameis Fluffy and she is about three years old. The St. John Animal Control thinksshe was on the streets for about 3 months. They contacted the owners who saidthey didn’t want her back. Should it really be a crime to beat the crap out ofpeople who abandon animals on the side of the road? Anyway, Glacier metFluffy and they got along just fine. We now have two 100 lbs dogs…at leastuntil Fluffy gets adopted.

August Since Chrissy hates humanbeings, she offered to be the midnightrelief keeper, in order to spend time with the animals without all those peopleto bother her. She wishes the public wasn’t allowed to come to the zoo. I’mstill trying to convince her that the zoo has no reason to exist without thepublic…she just doesn’t get the concept. I, on the other hand, love the public.Especially in bikinis, which is all I get when DJ’ing at the Deep RiverWaterPark on Tubing Tuesday Nights. Sure, I feel a bit like a pervert takingrequests from 16 year olds in bikinis. But I’m like a doctor, THIS IS A ONLY AJOB TO ME. But occasionally a hot mom will make a request for her shy threeyear old, unfortunately, she is only 23 and has no interest in a fat, married36 year old. Of course the minivan driving, one piece swimsuit with a skirtwearing moms all think I’m cute. GREAT. The only way for me to get close to ahot girl at the water park is to drown in a pool and hope a female lifeguardgets to me first.

September Like everyone else, I calledmy parents the night of Sept. 11^th. Unfortunately, my dad was theonly one home. I simply asked, “Dad, can you fucking believe this?” Still to this day, I cannot believe hisresponse. “You know the government is going to take away our rights. Next thingyou know I won’t be able to smoke at the beach next summer.” I was completelydumbstruck for the second time in a day. How the hell could this be a saneperson’s first thought after an attack on our country? I figured I must havecalled a disgruntled dad that lived in a shack in the mountains of Montana, so I just hungup. Fluffy finally got adopted...by us. A family came to see her but decidednot to adopt her because of her crooked teeth. Since her & Glacier getalong so well, we decided to keep her. We even kept the name Fluffy, eventhough we hate it. Besides the name really fits her, she is fluffy.

October My mom doesn’t take shitfrom anyone, especially some chicken shit terrorists hiding in caves, so off toIreland as planned with her sister, Pat and their husbands. I guaranteedChristy two things would happen on this trip. First, my parents couldn’t last10 hours on a plane without a cigarette. I was sure they would be locked in thebathroom smoking while B-52 fighter jets escorted the plane down somewherearound Pittsburgh.Second, my dad would be bounced on his ass out of an Irish pub onto acobblestone street for bitching about the taste of Sheppard’s pie. Amazingly,neither happened. When the Irish heard their American accents, they gave theirsympathy for the attacks on our country. Some people of the world actually likeAmerica.

November I DJ on Saturday nights at Joltin Joe’s which isowned by my friends, Nick & Joe Pezzuto. I really enjoy it most nights. Abunch of drunk women begging me to play their favorite song…you know the one…bythat guy…the one about my heart… it goes do dee dum dum …etc. Anyway, Nick saysgirls always ask about the cute DJ. Then they ask him my age. I’m flatteredthey think I’m that young but deflated when they find out my real age and loseall interest. I gotta get Nick to start lying for me.

December Besides the obvious, I guessit’s been a pretty good year. HMMM…that statement reminds me of the oldjoke….“Besides that Mrs. Kennedy, it was a pretty good parade”. Everyone whohas met Glacier knows this, those yet to visit be forewarned. Glacier likes togreet people with his nose, which is perfect height for most crotches. Hereally works his snout into you and he is thorough; a full body cavity searchis less invasive than the once over by Glacier. He & Fluffy get alonggreat. We love watching them play fight in the yard. When Glacier is chasingcars down the alley, she bites down on his tail and is pulled along the fenceline until she plants her paws and stops Glacier. He turns to get her off histail, but she clamps down again as soon as he turns forward. They both arereally good dogs, except for the peeing in the house. Once again, “besides thatMrs. Lincoln, how was the play?” Speaking of live theater, we saw The FullMonty, Guys & Dolls, South Pacific, Cinderella, The Producers, SaturdayNight Fever, Wilco, Steve Earle, The BoDeans, GBV, Mighty Mighty Bosstones,Semisonic, and the Warped Tour this year. I’ll end this with a story about gettingold. I was having dinner at Baker’s Square with the flower girl from ourwedding, the now 20-year-old Cindy Lou. She was dropping a few F-bombs whiletelling me a story. I asked her to tone it down a bit because there was afamily with children next to us. THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A MOMENT. I feel oldenough because our flower girl is now a young woman. BUT I’M TELLING HER NOT TOCURSE. PLEASE KILL ME NOW…GROWING OLD SUCKS MORE THAN I ORIGINALLY THOUGHT!!!And on that note, we just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and theHappiest of New Years! Love, Gregg& Christy

December 13, 2011 The 2000 Christmas Letter

2012-01-16T20:09:00.002-06:00

Once we realized the Y2K bug was just computer geeksover-reacting, this year didn't seem to live up to the new millenium hype. Butit sure did fly by, and it isn't just the fact that I'm getting older becauseI've heard young people same the same thing….really…I swear I did! This yearwent by so fast, I didn't realize it was already the holiday season…so now I'mspending Christmas Day writing this ridiculous letter. SO LET'S DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN!!!!

I began the New Year by DJing at Joltin' Joe's Bar. Myfriends Nick & Joe Pezzuto own the place. I have DJed there all year long.It is a great job. I get to watch hot young girls get drunk and dance in frontof me….and I get paid too. I should have started DJing years ago. One nightsome strippers….oops, I mean exotic dancers were there working as Bud Girls forthe bar's golf outing. I actually got a $5 tip from this hot blonde with agreat …ummm...mind….for playing a song for her. I made her tuck it into myG-string that I just happened to be wearing. (Sorry for that visual). If thiswould happen a few hundred more times I think I'd break even with the strippersof the world.

I spent the first three months of the year working on abirthday present for my mom. It was a book of pictures and stories from friendsand family. I received some great stuff from everyone who contributed. Thankyou for taking the time. She loved the book and Georgie created a web site ofthe book at http://www.georgeott.com/mom/index.htmlcheck it out if you haven't already.

Over Easter weekend, Chris & I decided to go hiking atSleeping Bear Dunes in northern Michigan.This was to prepare for a trip to Alaska,where we also planned to go hiking. We stopped at several cities along Lake Michigan to photograph the old lighthouses. Now I'lladmit I'm a sucker for old-fashioned Americana…sowe stopped at The Dutch Village in Holland.It consisted of a few buildings (presumably of Dutch origin), a giant concretestork with a diaper hanging from it's mouth where you could sit and bephotographed appearing as either a baby or a stupid shit for stopping here, anda place to put on wooden shoes and carry milk buckets. (which Chrissy refusedto do.) Christy was laughing at me for suggesting we stop there, but I wasdetermined to find the hidden fun at the Dutch Village.After an hour of searching, half of which was spent on a merry go round thatdidn't stop until our yelling woke up the 100-year-old operator, we leftwondering why anyone would pay $7.95 to visit this place.

In May, we made another trip to Alaska. We spent fourdays in Juneau.We went hiking in the mountains around town. While hiking, we rarely cameacross anyone else. It was absolutely beautiful and amazing to feel like you'rethe only people on Earth. While hiking up the mountain over the MendenhallGlacier we saw porcupines, eagles and a mountain goat. We also heard animalcries, which we thought, were some kind of mountain lion. This kind of spookedus, since it seemed to be closing in on us. When we got back we recreated thensound for a park ranger…turns out it was a grouse. We really need to get out ofthe suburbs more. We hiked the 6 miles to the Herbert Glacier, which is theonly way to get to it. After walking through the rain forest we came into avalley surrounded by snow covered mountains, the Herbert is a hanging glacierat one end of this valley. We sat down on the glacial silt and ate oursandwiches (from a NYC deli in Juneau)with the greatest view of any eatery in the world. That hour or so, was worththe cost of the whole trip. We spent the next week on a cruise that includedkayaking through the icebergs in Southeastern Alaska.We saw bears, whales and sea lions everywhere. I think we saw porcupines almostevery day of the trip. They really didn't pay us much attention, one day aporcupine lead us down the trail we were hiking on for a few hundred feet, thenstopped & posed for pictures. I think he then told us "to piss off,for Christ's sake, I'm just a porcupine! Go bother a bear or an eagle! God Damntourists!" Sometimes Mother Naturecan be as rude as a homeless person on the NYC subway, at least we felt athome.

In July, Chrissy had her 20 year high school reunion. Ofcourse the anti-social one would never have gone except Karen made her go toit. When we walked in, Chrissy said "Who the fuck are these old people?They look like my parents!" I obviously agreed. Karen & Jim found usat a table all alone. Thank God Jim, even though he is a dad now, is still ablast to hang out with. He spent the night antagonizing people he didn't know,much to my enjoyment. At one point, Karen said one of the nicest things anyoneever said to me. Chrissy was catching up with the one person she hoped to see,her friend Roberta. And Karen turned to me and said, "Besides me, you arethe best thing that ever happened to Chrissy." Which is what I've beentelling Chrissy for years, but she just says, "SHUT UP FATBOY!"Apparently Chris had been drinking way too much at the party, because onlyblocks from our house, she made me stop in the parking lot of the Hammond Timesand hiked up her skirt….I know all my buddies are going "ALRIGHT GREGG!And YOU DA MAN!" but that didn't happen. She peed in the lot and then wejust drove home.

In August wewent on a 10 day coaster trip with my brother, George. 10 days with Geo &me, 24 hours non stop…. I'm sure Chrissy's dreamed of vacations like this herwhole life. It actually went very well. We rode more than 40 coasters in over10 parks. The highlights were the small old-fashioned parks, Holiday World,Kennywood, Hershey Park, Conneaut Lake,Knoebels, Lakemont Park. Despite the hype ofgiant steel coasters, we loved the old & new woodies. We nicknamed it ourWEEK WITH WOOD… it applied in more ways than one. At Kennywood in Pittsburgh, we were online for one of their classic wooden coasters by the midway when Georgie yells"Oh good Lord…Please help me!" I turned around to see a thousand highschool cheerleaders competing on the Midway. They were all in their littlesweater tops and short skirts. This, of course, made Georgie relive commentslike… " Mr. Ott please step away from the fourteen year old!" and"Kinko, Kinko the kid loving clown, if the kids would love him back, he'dnever wear a frown!"

I've had blonde streaks put intomy hair several times in the past. My 9 year old nephew, Kyle, wanted his hairdone like his cool uncle. So I took him with me to the hair salon. This led toone of those moments of clarity that occur when time stands still for a briefmoment. We both had those rubber helmets on with our strands of hair pulledthrough it and covered in the bleaching compound. We were sitting under thosegiant women's hair dryers with magazines on our laps. I looked over at him and hejust smiled at me. The complete absurdity of how we must have looked amused meto no end. I just smiled back. It made me realize that someone looked up to methe way I did to my uncles when I was a kid. Then I realized that I was thecool uncle that took Kyle to a beauty salon to have his hair done. Oh my God, awhole school of elementary kids think I'm Kyle's gay uncle….I can hear the woodshed jokes now.

In December, we went to NYC withour sister-in-law Patti. We covered all of Manhattan in a few days, Christmas shopping& sight seeing. Of course the highlight of the trip was dinner at my AuntMaryAnn's. We had ravioli with chicken & veal cutlets along with severalother dishes. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Grandpa Ott is doingfine. I only saw the top of his head most of our visit because he wasconcentrating so hard on a plate of food whenever I was around. But I heard hetold Patti to have a seat on his couch then said " I haven't had a girl onthe couch in years." With Chrissy & Patti sitting with him in thebasement, He was reported to have yelled up to Maryann " I've got twogirls down here!" I guess that means he is doing just fine…DAMN…he's doingbetter than I am! Terri's fiancé, Carmine won me over easily. He recommendedthe Fortunato Brothers bakery in his neighborhood. The cannolis there are moresatisfying than sex. And the Italian cookies make for some great foreplay.Another highlight of the trip was the day we spent sightseeing in Brooklyn with Freddie & Maryann. We toured fromBrooklyn Heights to Coney Island…had a Nathan's hot dog and said goodbye to theThunderbolt coaster which was torn down to build a baseball stadium. We alsowatched our wedding video thanks to Grandpa. Well, if we didn't feel older& fatter after seeing that video….I made the comment that the cute littleflower girl in the video was now watching our house while we were in NYC….thisgetting old thing really sucks. How is it that she grew up and I haven't?

I'm writing this on Christmas Eve.Last night, I brought home White Castle sliders afterDJing. I woke Chris up at 2:30amand we had sliders together. True Love. This morning, I awoke to the smell ofChrissy cooking lasagna and stuffed shells. For breakfast we had the VealPaglia, Penne Porcini and stuffed chicken leftovers from Café Borgia. To reallypush home the Christmas spirit, we played name that tune by farting Christmascarols. (Can you believe some peopleactually ask for this newsletter?) Tiguak, the polar bear cub that Chrissyhand raised, is doing fine. She weighs over 220 pounds and is only 14 monthsold. She now has a friend, Eddy. He is on loan from the Quebec Zoo. The mom,Arki, had another cub in early December. So far she is raising that cub. Thatis our baby news for the year.

Our concert list this yearincluded Prince, who was great but he is so short we couldn't see him and wewere only 20 feet from the stage, the BoDeans, the Mighty, Mighty Bosstones,Rancid and the Smashing Pumpkins…a moment of silence please. Even though myhair was blonde and Chrissy's was purple, we were easily spotted as the oldestpeople at the Warp Tour this year…but we did get to meet the Bosstones, whichwas cool. We also saw some plays. Anne Get Your Gun, Sound of Music, ScarletPimpernel were the better ones. Blast!, which we dubbed revenge of the bandgeeks or band geeks on acid, was very entertaining.

Thunder seems tobe getting along on his painkillers most of the year. But he has lost 40 poundssince the summer. This has brought comments like…"I found Thunder's lostweight…it's on Gregg!" The vet says he is OK but he is a bag of bones.Chrissy started calling him Dead Dog Walking…which I think is very mean. Thatgirl is just heartless. Thunder told me he agrees…he tells me lots of things,which I can't repeat… this is getting very Son of Sam-like. Huh…what did yousay Thunder? I gotta go now. Thunder says Merry Christmas to all and to all aGood Night.

December 12, 2011 The 1999 Christmas Letter

2012-01-16T20:07:00.001-06:00

HO HO HOMERRY CHRISTMAS!! Let’s begin where this little holiday started. Ok, thiscarpenter discovers his virgin wife is pregnant. He is screaming at her thathad better be the son of GOD, so to avoid an argument she says it is. In orderto avoid abuse down at the union hall (besides the abuse of still having avirgin wife), he starts telling everyone his wife is having the son of God. Joemust have been a BA, because everyone believes his story. Now let us fastforward to the story of SANTA. Some fat old guy in a red suit with leatherboots lives in a remote area with a bunch of male dwarfs that build toys andmake reindeer fly (I won’t even get into how they accomplished this feat, let’sjust say I’d also learn how to fly just to escape them). They created Mrs.Claus just to stem the tide of vicious rumours. Am I the only one who wondersjust what the hell we are celebrating here? And now some more fiction about ayear in the twisted life of Chrissy & Gregg.

I’m getting old & fat real fast lately,so I can’t recall what I did earlier this year but I do remember some goodmeals at Café Borgia. I know Chrissy finally granted her Grandmother’s finalwish and spread her ashes around The Harbor. Unfortunately for Chris, it wasvery windy and her Grandma blew back into her face. According to her sister,Kimmie, Chrissy got a mouthful. Chris will not confirm or deny that thishappened. But at least she isn’t in a closet like my Grandmother. I’m sure sheis praising her beloved son while cursing my mom & Aunt Pat from the greatbeyond for not granting her final wish.

Once againwe went to Coastermania, but this year was definitely different. Both of mybrothers and Mike Crafton went this year. Mike led a queue full of people in arousing version of the Brady Bunch theme. By the last verse about a hundredpeople were singing and laughing, OK, mostly laughing. Georgie (of course)provided us with the best laugh. At least three different times, he came out ofthe bathroom at Cedar Point with money in his hand and a big smile on his face.This led to many jokes about bathroom stalls, George Michael and glory holes.

My parents, always the source of an amusingstory, have been working out at a local gym. Those two in spandex has probablycut the membership in half. Anyway, we couldn’t figure out why these twobastions of good health decided to get in shape. Then it came to me, theydecided to work out in order to live longer. Why? Because they still hope to become grandparents…NO!They couldn’t live long enough for that, then Why? You ask. So they can smoke longer. They work out sothey can live longer and smoke more. It is all they have left.

We went to Alaska this year. It wasthe most incredible two weeks of our lives. We saw glaciers calving as sealsfloated by on icebergs, we sat on the edge of the Kenai Riverwatching the sunset, lulled by the sound of the river into a relaxed state thatis not possible in the lower 48. We sat mesmerized by the fall colors in Denali National Park. We kayaked to Admiralty Island to sit on a log and watch brown bears pick salmon out of ariver just a few yards away. We rafted on the Mendenhall & Kenai Rivers aseagles soared overhead. We hiked in Denaliacross the tundra with the Alaskan Mountain Range in full view. We flew around Mount McKinleyon a beautiful fall day. But my favorite thing about Alaska is while standing in a crowd, you canyell “LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT RACK” and “I HOPE WE SEE SOME BEAVER” withoutgetting smacked. I posted pix of trip at http://gcopix.homepage.com.

Our dog,Thunder has had a rough year. Old age has set in and he began to reallystruggle just to stand up. We started talking about putting him to sleep, WELLonce he heard that, he would run across the yard and pretend to be a puppyagain, “LOOK AT ME, I’M FINE, NO PAIN HERE”. So Chris put him on Rimadyl, nowhe fakes the limp just to get a fix. He looks at me and goes COME ON MAN, CAN’TYOU HELP A BROTHER OUT, I’ll PLAY FRISBEE WITH YOU IF YOU JUST FIX ME UP. Now,I have a junkie for a pet.

If you hadany doubt that Chrissy loves animals more than humans let me prove it to you.Thunder gets painkillers that cost me $3 a day, but when I complain about asore back or legs she says lose some weight you fat bastard. And that’s on asympathetic day.

My parentshad a sneak attack visit this summer; they came in for Don’s surprise 60^thB-Day party. They insisted on staying at a hotel. Then they wouldn’t let uscome use the Jacuzzi in their room. I couldn’t believe it. I told Chris that ifwe had their grandchild they would stay at the house. She told me to get avasectomy immediately. They were here & gone in two days. AHHHH…a perfectvisit. Poor Jeff & Jen, they lost the parents for Christmas lottery. Awhole week with Mom & Dad….MERRY &%$#*@$ CHRISTMAS.

Everyone can quit getting on our asses nowabout having a baby. CHRISSY HAS A BABY. She is hand raising a polar bear cub.The mom stopped taking care of it so now Chrissy is its mother. Every day Ihear about every detail of the baby. She’s so cute, she gained 42 grams, sheshit solid today. Now let me explain something about that last comment,apparently polar bear moms have to lick their cubs you know where in order toget them to shit & piss…Sorry, defecate & urinate. So Chris has to rubit with a wet cloth, at least that’s what she says she does, in order to gether to go potty. Just one of the many joys of motherhood, I’m sure.

The following is a true story, only thenames haven’t been changed since I predicted this in last year’s newsletter.Karen & Jim used to go out to dinner with us. They used to make fun ofother couples stuck at home with babies. They said they would never change.They used to have a big Christmas party every year. They had a baby this year.They also aborted two lives this year…their own. We will miss them.

I guess I should recap our year throughticket stubs. Concerts- Lyle Lovett, Sheryl Crow, BoDeans, Semisonic, Reel BigFish, Springsteen twice…Plays- Rent, Tap Dogs, Spirit, Cirque Ingenieux,Titanic… Indy 500 & US 500 races, several White Sox games, a trip to TigerStadium, a Bear game & with much shame…a Blackhawk game.

I finally joined Jimmy D. on the Deep RiverGrinders. It is a 1800’s baseball team. I have never had more fun playingbaseball. Every attempt to duplicate 1858 is made for our games. Some days itreally felt like 1858 playing in a horse field in the middle of Ohio. I created a website at http://deeprivergrinders.com that provides more details.

I know this is getting out late, but Ihaven’t had much Christmas spirit this year. Everyone knows the reasons, toobusy at work, over commercialized and a new one for us this year, it’s so warmit doesn’t seem like Christmas. I put this pain in the ass letter off in hopesthat something would revive my Christmas spirit. Since a visit by three ghostsseemed unlikely, I found the true meaning of the season in two unexpectedplaces. While picking up some homemade candy at Gayety’s Chocolates (a familyrun candy & ice cream parlor) Jim, the owner, stopped me on the way out ofhis place. He handed me a box of chocolates and wished Chrissy & I aHEARTFELT MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR. (www.gayetys.com a well deserved plug). Thena Christmas party at Megan & Bob Ochi’s house really brought out theChristmas spirit in me. A gathering of friends just enjoying an eveningtogether. Those that know me well, know that I can bullshit the night away andconsider it time well spent. So hopefully everyone can enjoy a few minutes thisseason with those that matter to them, I believe that is the true meaning ofChristmas.

Well that about wraps up another year forus. You know the old joke about how do you know Santa is married? Because heonly comes once a year. So I have to get going, I only have a week left in theyear to match Santa’s output. And I doubt my body is Y2K compliant. MerryChristmas & Happy New Year.

December 11, 2011 The 1998 Christmas Letter

2012-01-15T22:22:00.004-06:00

“THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS DELIGHTFUL, LIVINGWITH GREGG IS FRIGHTFUL!”

Hello!It’s Chrissy here this time. Since Gregg absolutely hates writing this stupidnewsletter and Thunder says he already wrote one. So, I have to write it.Actually he is still in a funk over me not getting that job at the San DiegoZoo. He had this idea that we would live on the beach and just surf all day. Hefeels like all his friends have abandoned him. I think they all just grew up.So now Gregg lives just building a wall around himself, isolating himself. It’slike living with Pink Floyd. Anyway I will try to recap yet another year in ourversion of a life.

WINTER

Gregg’sbrother Georgie came to visit in early January. Gregg decided not to go on ourannual ski trip with Jim & Debbie. Therefore I had a big decision to make.I had to decide which hat matched my ski pants. The boys, Gregg, Georgie &Thunder, spent the weekend cruising for ‘bitches’. (Thunder’s word, not mine.)I’m sure these three were successful, with their heads out the car windowsgawking and drooling at the girls. There is a better chance of Antonio SebatoJr. asking me to remove his underwear than these three picking up girls. SinceI went skiing alone, rumors were running rampant that I was having an affairwith Jimmy Drescher. This is especially amusing, since Jimmy admitted that evenin his dreams I refused to have sex with him.

Afterskiing without any severe injuries, I broke my ankle walking at work. Greggthought this was great at first, he figured with crutches and a cast I wouldn’tbe able to get away from his sexual advances. But I became quite a swordsmanwith those crutches. Touché.

The winterwas very mild until early March. An incredible ice storm hit Chicago. We lost power for two days. Lifewithout electricity sucks, no computer, no heat, no cable television and nolights. But luckily we both had our favorite things available on battery power.Gregg played CD’s on his boom box and I had my vibrator.

SPRING

By now I’mtwo months into sitting around with my broken ankle. And Gregg was driving menuts. One day he called me into the kitchen and started screaming about howdisorganized it was. He spent the next 6 hours throwing everything onto thefloor, then reorganizing the cabinets. He did this in his best gay interiordecorator voice. He carefully explained how and why everything his way wasbetter. Like I really gave a shit where the pots & pans are best kept.Where the hell was my vibrator?

SUMMER

Gregg& I went to COASTERMANIA at Cedar Point again. As usual it was a blast.Then we celebrated our 10-year anniversary. Yes indeed. It’s a decade ofunbelievable love, uncontrollable love, and undying love. Okay maybe it was ayear or two of that and eight years of putting up with each other.

We madeour annual pilgrimage to the Mecca,NYC. We had tickets to see RENT onBroadway. Even though we thought Grandpa wouldn’t care for the rock musical, heinsisted on going. He never wears his hearing aid but this night he did. Whenthe first guitar solo kicked in, he was overheard yelling “JESUS CHRIST!” Hecouldn’t rip that hearing aid out fast enough. Everyone should experience Greggon the streets of NYC. He stops at every vendor to eat…pretzels…frankfurters….knishes…Italian ices….soda!!!!!!! Of course he alwaysleaves room for Corato’s pizza and his favorite Aunt MaryAnn’s incrediblemeals.

Oneof the many promised additions to the house was finally completed.We now have a brick patio in the backyard. Of course the upstairs still has notbeen touched, but I’ll keep the nagging up until it’s done.

FALL

Oh boy!Another visit to Gregg's family in SoCal. I’ll admit that sometimes I thinkGregg exaggerates stories about his childhood. But after visiting his parents,I believe everything he says. I know Gregg isn’t normal, and now I knowwhy. I can’t even begin to describeeverything that occurs on these visits. A couple of things stand out though.One day we went to Huntington Beach.The waves were too rough to surf. My father-in-law decided another beach wouldbe better. Twenty minutes and three beaches later, we ended up back at Huntington Beach, 100yards from where we started. Bernadette was swearing at George. Gregg & Iwere looking for crack dealers. As most of you know, George & Bernadettesmoke like a coal fired locomotive. Since they painted the house, they now onlysmoke outside. I think it is because they don’t understand the new California anti-smokinglaw, which states you can not smoke in any public building. As further proofthat these two can drive anything crazy, Latka & Simka (their cats) havemoved in with their neighbors.

Myfriend Karen married Jim. I was matron of honor. Gregg said it was because I’mtoo old to be a maid of honor. Gregg says this marriage will ruin their greatrelationship. He kept singing “Another One Bites the Dust”. You see, Jim &Karen were the last of our friends that would or could go out with us on a lastminutes’ notice. When Gregg found out she was pregnant, that was the final nailin the coffin of Jim & Karen. They may never be seen again.

Gregg gotnothing but mean birthday cards and no presents on his birthday. So he boughthimself some DJ equipment. He even DJ’d the Brookfield Zoo’s Christmas party.But he needs a cool DJ name, so I offered up, DJ FAT BASTARD.

Back toKaren & Jim, who were wondering what it took to get mentioned in thenewsletter. They have a big Christmas party every year. This year Gregg & Ioverheard several conversations. They all centered on pregnancies. One womantold us how she went from a 34B to 38E bra while pregnant. Another complainedabout all the problems associated with being pregnant, we wondered why she wentthrough the trouble to have three kids. Another talked about taking phenabarbital throughout the pregnancy, then having babies that weighed less than6lbs and were born addicts. Gee, I wonder why? Gregg begged me to get up andsay “My husbands hung like a horse, I have so many orgasms we have to mop thefloor when we’re done. We’re leaving now so I can ride him like a fireman goingup & down the pole”. We just left.

I guessthat covers our twisted version of a year. Since everyone insists on sending uspictures of their kids every time they grow an inch, I’m including pictures ofmy babies. Anastasia and Marty. Aren’t they just adorable? Gregg says that he has one Christmas imagethat comes to him every year. It is Christmas at his Grandparent’s apartment inNYC. Here’s hoping that every one of our friends and family has that Christmasmoment this year.

MERRYCHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR

Love,

Christy, Gregg, Thunder, JD, Ammy

&Asti

December 10, 2011 The 1997 Christmas Letter

2012-01-15T22:16:00.001-06:00

HI THERE! We’ve had a WONDERFUL year. The BIG newsis our new additions. We bought a beautiful house way out in the suburbs.Actually it used to be a farm field. So there are no trees now, but it onlysmells like cow manure when it rains for two straight days. But theneighborhood is great. The only thing black is the streets. Our other additionis a baby boy, Hunter. He is very beautiful. He could probably model or docommercials. He doesn’t look like the other babies. (You know how most babieslook like aliens, ohhh not our Hunter.) His sister, Brooke, is five now. She isenrolled in the gifted Kindergarten class. The school says she is thesmartest…..UUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! If this type of newsletter doesn’t have youreaching for Dr. Kevorkian’s number, then don’t read on. If, however, you enjoyan honest recounting of a couple’s struggles against the world, PLEASECONTINUE! (even if you secretly laugh at this crap then say to people,”PoorGeorge and Bernadette, where didthey go wrong?”)

Welcome to the fourth annual TWISTED NEWSLETTER,with me, your host and tour guide through the past year, Gregg.Well the big news is WE ARE STILL MARRIED! I know everyone says, “Poor Chrissy, How doesshe put up with him?” Maybe you should say, “Poor Gregg,how does he put up with her?” Actually it really wasn’t that great of a year. Imean as years go, this one is pretty forgettable. But I must bore you with thedetails so here we gooooooo!!!!!!!

JANUARY

Check all the other newsletters, what did we do inJanuary? We went skiing in Michiganwith Jim and Debbie Drescher. Thesame goes for this year. But wait, we did something different this year. WHAT? You asked. WIFESWAPPING!! No, wewent tubing. And it was fun.(Oh Golly Gee!!) We spent an afternoon flying downa bobsled run on big inner tubes. It was more fun than wifeswapping, okay,maybe I exaggerated on that one. Anyway, the point is that tubing down amountain is a lot of fun. Especially nude with some one else’s wife. That partdidn’t happen either. (But it does soundfun.)

FEBRUARY

This was one of those years where everyone seemed tobe celebrating a big birthday. My Grandpa Ott turned 80. So my family all gottogether in NYC to celebrate. It was fun to be together with everyone at myAunt MaryAnn’s house. We went to Ellis Islandand to the Empire State Building.We were probably heading down the elevators, when that asshole shot severalpeople on the observation deck. I’ll bet you his tormented rage was due tospending time with his family. I’ll give you an example. The weekend is goingfine. We decide on the last night to go to a local Irish Pub for dinner. Great.The Irish aren’t exactly known for their good food, but it was within walkingdistance. Everyone orders, the food is edible. BUT my father is all pissed offand says his dinner tastes like dog food. Oh, what did he order? SHEPPERD’SPIE. Now you’re asking “WHAT THE FUCK IS SHEPPERD’S PIE?” Exactly. No one knew.But he had to order it then was pissed when it wasn’t good. This outburstbrought the weekend to a perfect Ott ending. It is enough to make you wannashoot up the Empire State Building!

MARCH

Jeff turned 30. My cousin Mary turned 40.(Sorry Mary, I was just proving my pointthat there were a bunch of bigBirthdays) And my mom turned 50. So with the help of my Baker cousins, wehad a bash for my mom. Thanks to my cousins, the party went great. Georgie evenDJ’d the party. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my family. I LOVE THEM HUNDREDSOF MILES AWAY! Some of you think it is a shame that we live all over thecountry. Trust me, it is much better this way. After a few months apart, weactually miss each other. After a few days together, we need a few monthsapart. Thanks to everyone who helped and who came to the party. I think my momis still young enough to remember it.

APRIL - JULY

After nearly 12 years, I quit my job at DRW. Andmuch to my shock, the company continued to do business without me. I didn’tthink it was possible. I busted my ass for them, but began to think there wasno future there. So I got hired by OES in Indianapolis.I spent almost three months in Indianapolisfor training and a big job for Shell Oil. I swear to you, the sun shined twicein those three months. The Bottle Rockets have a song that goes “I’m not sureif this is Hell or Indianapolis”.I know exactly what they mean. The job has been great though, especially sinceI got back to Chicago.The techs in the Indy office were very friendly to me. Especially since theywere all southerners and I’m from the north. We were working 70-80 hours aweek, but we found time to visit many of Indianapolis’sstrip clubs. I had a dancer yell at me because I was watching the TV instead ofher. She didn’t like my explanation that the Rangers were up by only one goalin the third period of a crucial play-off game against the Flyers. Jesus, shesounded like a wife, what happened to the good old days. When a strip club waswhere you could forget you were married.

Kimmie had a baby boy named Kennedy. Christy and Iare the Godparents. How cool, I’m the GODFATHER. Nope. I was called the sponsorby the church. Great! I go from being Marlon Brando to being Sally Struthers.This is the story of my life.

AUGUST -OCTOBER

In August, we helped my friend Debbie move on up toa high rise apartment with a view of Lake Michigan.(See I do have successful friends) InSeptember, I went to Gettysburgfor my Cousin Ken’s wedding. Let’s face it; a battleground really is theperfect place to get married. It was very enjoyable to see my cousins on theHynes’ side of the family. Ken and Joey were hilarious; they have the sametwisted sense of humor as me. This trait must come from further up the familytree. My cousin DeDe was amazingly like my cousin Patty. So there really is something to this geneticsthing. This family should quit reproducing now, for the sake of the world. Theweather in October was great. Eighty degrees most of the month, which made itthe nicest month, weather wise, we had all year. It also is the only reason tomention it since we didn’t really do anything during October.

NOVEMBER -DECEMBER

My friendDebbie talked me into volunteering at a nursing home for Thanksgiving. Pickyourself back up off the floor; I actually have a soft spot in my cold heart.It wasn’t too bad. We helped serve dinner. Sure I lost my appetite, I mean, oldpeople are just like babies. They are disgusting to watch eat.(Messy, drooling and making strange noises) Imanaged to live through it. We sat and talked with four old women for about anhour. That was interesting. They could remember stuff from 70 years ago butkept asking us the same questions again and again. They kept saying howhandsome I was, which was cool. Now if I could only get women under the age ofeighty to think the same. Maybe I should visit people in desperate need of eyecare more often. We did visit Bostonand NYC in December. It was our first visit to Jeff & Jen’s house. Theyhave a beautiful house, thanks to Jen, I’m sure. My brilliant car mechanicbrother, after moving our car into his side lot, left the lights on. The nextday we had to recharge the battery before it would start. We then stayed at myAunt MaryAnn’s house. The perfect synopsis of my year can be described here.She made a plate of veal chops, my favorite, and I was too sick to eat morethan one. WHY GOD WHY!

Well I guessit is time to put this year to rest. Thank God. Oh well, they all can’t bewonderful. We both lost a Grandma this year, we didn’t actually lose them, weknow where they are. They are in jars in our mother’s closets. Of course Chrissyonly cares about her animals, she wants everyone to know that Anastasia, aSiberian Tiger, was born this past October. The baby polar bear turned 1 inlate November. We saw a bunch of concerts, as usual. The Presidents of the USA,Cheap Trick, Mighty, Mighty Bosstones (twice), Bodeans, John Hiatt, Pietasters,Reel Big Fish, Live and John Mellencamp. We also expanded our cultural horizonsby seeing a bunch of plays, Chicago,TangoX2, Triumph of Love, Riverdance and Rent. We highly recommend Rent and Riverdance.My hockey team, Natural Disaster, lost the championship game 4-2 last winter.We won the summer league championship. If you have Internet access the websiteaddress for the team is http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/5484. Hopefully all is well with you. Please keepin touch with us. Chrissy and I truly wish you a Merry Christmas and theHappiest of New Years.

December 9, 2011 The 1996 Christmas Letter

2012-01-15T22:01:00.001-06:00

Hey there. It’s me, Thunder,(Gregg & Christy’s dog). Most of you refer to me as their ‘Kid’. That’s finewith me. God knows I’m called worse around here. Stink Doggy Dog, Fuckstick andStupid are the most common names I hear. Anyway you gotta trust me, theyshouldn’t be allowed to raise children. I know last year’s newsletter got themin all kinds of trouble because they joked about having a baby. Therefore Ihave to write this stupid letter. I heard Greggsay he wanted to write that they did have a baby this year. Then tell everyonethey sold it on the black market because white babies will get you a lot ofmoney. “ Why not? Since everyone believes all this dumb bullshit anyway!” washis exact quote. So now you get a dog’s eye view of Greggand Chrissy’s year.

January- It’s my favorite time of the year. It’s cold andsnowy. G & C went skiing with their friends. It is something they do everyyear in January.

February- Valentines Day. Definitely the biggest holidayin this house. There is so much love here, HaHaHa- sorry I don’t know how toduplicate dog laughter. I’m not sure but I think they gave each other a card. Igot shit. Sorry about the language, but you live with Chrissy, you learn totalk like her. They saw The Time in concert. Chris tried to teach Gregg to dance. He is one stiff suburban white boywith no trace of rhythm. I laughed so hard that I had to run into the yard torelieve myself.

March- Gregg’shockey team won the Check League Championship. The other team he plays for,Tony’s team, also won the championship. Now I have a point to make. He calls meStink Dog all the time. Have any of you smelled that hockey equipment bag ofhis? People in glass houses, you know the rest. I’ll get off my soap box….wherewas I , oh yea March. In one weekend Greggwent to 3 concerts, Spacehog, Material Issue and Steve Earle. That means I haveto listen to him butchering songs with the stereo blasting. Since he addedspeakers to the basement there is nowhere to hide.

April- You know you’re getting old and washed up whenyou go to weddings of your friends’ children. G & C went to Angie Twardy’swedding. The whole affair was fun. But the two of them moped around for weeksbecause “We are old now!”. Psst. I heard a rumor that the conversation aroundtheir table was about all the fun they used to have. HaHaHa. You see dogs don’tlive long enough to remember the ‘Good Old Days’.

Summer- It is easier to lump May thru August together. G& C went to the K.C. Zoo , Coastermania at Cedar Point, Cleveland Zoo,Geauga Lake Amusement park, Columbus Zoo, Americana, Kings Island and of courseNYC. Gregg and Jimmy went to their11^th straight Indy 500.(I wonder how much fun it would be to hang myhead out of an Indy car. Drool flying at 230MPH could probably cause severedamage.) Grandpa Ott, Ma & Pa Ott came out for Jeff and Patty’s Wedding inJune. It’s always fun to have new crotches to sniff. Gregg’sbrother George came out 3 times this year. Twice for work and once for vacationin August. The August visit is when they went canoeing at Turkey Run. Georgieand Scottie proclaimed to be Lewis and Clark when they set out down the river.After hitting every rock and traveling sideways through all the rapids, Gregg said they were more like Lois and Clark.Summer concerts included the Bodeans, Afghan Whigs, Cracker, No Doubt andEverclear. G & C spent all summer staining their new windows which finallywere installed after many long delays. All in all, they must have had fun, butI was left home with strangers all summer.

September- Left home again. This time they went to Cali. Of course they didall the grown up things they are known for doing. Three zoos, 4 amusement parksand at least 7 trips to the beach. These 2 will never grow up and face reality.The reality of having a dog and cats that need their attention. Believe me whenI say that if they had a child they would think it was okay to set out a bigbowl of food, while they go out gallivanting.

October- In an effort to expand their small culturalbase, G & C took in their second play of the year ( I heard they saw SunsetBlvd. on Broadway). Jim and Debbie, personally one of my favorite people tosniff, went to see Smokey Joe’s Café at the Schubert Theater. I think I wouldhave gone but the cheap bastards bought seats way up in the balcony and Ididn’t want to climb all those stairs.

November- Yet another birthday for that fat bastard, Gregg. On a personal note, I know he calls meFATBOY. Apparently he thinks I don’t see him suck in his gut to button thosejeans every morning. Anyway Georgie came to town for his third visit of theyear. He and Gregg saw theLemonheads at the Metro. The next night along with Chrissy, Scottie and Steve (Gregg’s favorite concert going buddy, since no onehis age will go to shows with him), they saw the Mighty, Mighty Bosstones. Itwas a sweat drenched night in the mosh pit with the guys trying to controlChrissy. Thanksgiving dinner was held at our house this year. Chrissy did agreat job. And since her mom was here to provide help, I got all kinds of goodies.

December- Greggcomplains to Chris that he doesn’t want to do a newsletter this year. That iswhy I have helped the poor boy out. He isn’t that bad an owner. He does playwith me every day after work and takes me in the car whenever he has somerunning around to do. I worry about him though, he sure seems jealous that Ican lick my genitals. I’d better clean the drool off his keyboard. The onlything he loves more than his music collection is this computer. Which remindsme I’d better erase those JPEGS of that cute poodle I got off the Internet. Bythe way, you can check out Gregg’sInternet site at http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/5484.All of us here wish you a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a GREAT 1997!

Thunder

December 8, 2011 The 1995 Christmas Newsletter

2012-01-15T21:53:00.002-06:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR

FROM GREGG AND CHRISTY

Oh boy where do Istart. This year I can write one of these stupid newsletters because I did onelast year. I thought I would get abused (mainly because if you sent me one Iwould abuse the living shit out of you) but most people told me they reallyenjoyed it. So now the pressure is on this year to be entertaining. Read on andHappy Holidays.

This is a story.The story of 1995. The story of Gregg,Christy, their four-legged kids and the big old goofy world. The story opens inearly December with Gregg sitting athis computer trying to recall what has transpired in the past year that mightbe slightly interesting to you. He is listening to his cd player, which isloaded with Christmas CD’s ranging from Bing Crosby singing “Silver Bells” to“Here Comes Santa’s Pussy” by the Frogs, just to set the mood.

Last January Gregg went skiing in Michigan with friends, then we both wentskiing locally. Once again we avoided serious injuries, which is good for mesince my normal aches and pains are enough to drive someone to heroinaddiction.

As spring camearound, it marked Thunder’s first year with us. Oh what fun it is to have a125lb dog. Thunder and I have so much fun together. We wrestle, play ball,rollerblade(I do, he runs) and we have peeing contests. Whenever I come homelate at night, he runs to the bush up front of the house and we pee. I have tomake sure no traffic is driving by. Thunder always has to remark the bush whenI’m done, so we battle it out him, me, him, me, him down to the last drop. I’lladmit he usually wins so to really challenge him, I’ll pee real high on thebush and tell him to match that.

This April myhockey team, The Natural Disaster, lost the championship game for the secondstraight year by a goal to the same team. The White Sox season began late dueto the strike, I told them to shove their season tickets and didn’t missbaseball one bit. By the way, did they have a World Series this year. I neverheard anyone mention it , I guess not.

We saw a bunch ofconcerts this year. John Hiatt, Pearl Jam, Urge Overkill, Live, Mighty MightyBosstones and the Presidents of the USA are the ones I remember. I alsosaw Tom Petty from the eighth row. The Bosstones show was the wildest. Chrissywas moshing and crowd surfing the whole show. The bouncers in front of thestage couldn’t control her. She’s such a punk rocker.

June began withroller coasters. We belong to ACE, American Coaster Enthusiasts. We spent 17hours riding coasters at Cedar Point on Coastermania Day. We had a great timebut all that body shaking made the toilet our most popular place to visit. Werode coasters at Great America, Indiana Beach and King’s Island during the month. This is the only thing Chrissyand I have in common, riding coasters and peeing way too often for people ourage.

In July my momended her Route 66 journey by visiting with us. She hadn’t been here in wellover a year, so we were able to put up with her mothering ways for a while. Asa kid you do your best to mold your parents into productive human beings, nomatter how hard you try they somehow end up going their own way. But I’m proudof her, as moms go she isn’t that bad.

We went to NYC inAugust. And by the good grace of God, a hurricane was moving up the Atlanticcoast. That meant the waves were incredible. Actually Rockaway Beach was closed. But Coney Island was rocking. Oh I was in heaven. The Cyclone and 10 footwaves in the same day. I spent the last day in NYC under the boardwalk atRockaway barfing up some bad clams...yes the ones that come in a shell.

Grandpa came tovisit in September. This is always a highlight for the year. I couldn’t get himinterested in computers but we had a blast going through his old photos that Ihave been putting into albums. The stories and photos had both of us laughingall night. Most of the pictures have quart bottles of Rheingold or Schaeffer’sbeer on the table. They knew how to party in their day.

Contrary to popularopinion, Chrissy and I are trying to have a child. We try and try(not as oftenas I would like though). But nothing ever happens, so I told her we shouldvideo tape it . You know, to see if we’re doing it right. Not like a pornvideo, but kind of like when the female news anchors show us self breast examsduring sweeps week. Hard to believe Chrissy wouldn’t go for it.

One day I came homeand saw Chrissy on the front stoop with a male friend. I thought about slicingthem both up because I would be acquitted due to a) I’m black-no b) I’m aformer sports star-no c) there aren’t 12 people dumb enough to ignore all theevidence-well maybe d)I’m rich-no. I guess odds are I wouldn’t be acquitted.Hell no one could get away with such a vicious crime.....Oh I’m back, I wasdreaming. Where was I? Oh yea!, the story of the past year. I got a specialpresent for my birthday. It came from Thunder. He French kissed me, yea my dogslipped me the tongue. We were playing on the floor face to face and I wassinging the chorus to Urge Overkill’s “Dropout”. “You’ve been a Dropout” bam!!!he leaned forward and slipped me the tongue. So I bought him a lovely wicker doggie bed.

Wewill be going to NYC to go Christmas shopping. Years ago on Christmas Eve, mywhole family went shopping in Manhattan.It is one of the fondest Christmas memories I have. Of course most of theothers involve my Grandparents apartment at Christmas. I remember hauling ourChristmas gifts down to the car. Then waving good-bye out the back car windowto my Grandma on the fourth floor. Who needs a sleigh and jingle bells, giveme Christmas in the city. Merry Christmas and the Happiest of New Years.

December 7, 2011 The 1994 Christmas Letter

2012-01-15T21:33:00.001-06:00

Back in 1994, I started writing a Christmas Letter for two reasons. First it was to goof on Christmas letters we recieved that said things like "my life is perfect, my husband is wonderful and my kids are geniuses." Second I had just gotten my first computer and had to use it for something. So here is my inaugural Christmas newsletter.

MERRY CHRISTMASAND HAPPY NEW YEAR

WELL IT’S BEEN A LONG AND BUSY YEAR, THEREFORE WE MUST SENDALONG THIS YUPPIE TYPE INFORMATIONAL NEWSLETTER WITH YOUR CHRISTMAS GREETING.PLEASE ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES BUT WE JUST DON’T SEEM TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITHEVERYONE LIKE WE WOULD LIKE. PLUS I HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY TO JUSTIFY THE COSTOF THIS COMPUTER BESIDES CATALOGING MY RECORD COLLECTION ON IT. SO ON WITH THECOUNTDOWN...

JANUARY 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

WE FROZEOUR EVER INCREASING ASSES OFF. ALONGWITH THE REST OF CHICAGO, AS WE SUFFERED THROUGHMANY SUB-ZERO DAYS. CHRISSY AND IMANAGED TO SKI FOR A WEEKEND WITH NO SERIOUS INJURIES, EVEN THOUGH WE SLID OFFA MICHIGAN ROAD AND HAD TO BE TOWED OUT OF THE DITCH.

FEBRUARY 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

WE WERE VISITED BY CHRISSY’SFATHER IN LAW, MY DAD. IF THAT WAS I HIGHLIGHT IT SHOWS

THE KIND OF LIFE WE ARE LIVING.MA OTT WAS STUCK IN A BLIZZARD ATTEMPTING TO GET IN

AND OUT OF NEW YORK FOR JOEYTUCCIO’S WEDDING. CHRIS AND I WERE PATIENTLY WAITING

FOR SPRING TO ARRIVE.

MARCH 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

WE GOT A KID. RELAX, IT WAS THE FOUR LEGGED KIND. A GREATPYRENEES DOG. AFTER MUCH SOUL SEARCHING WE NAMED HIM THUNDER. ALTHOUGH HE’S NOWBETTER KNOWN AS STINK DOGGY DOGG. THE NAME COMES FROM THE PRINCE SONG“THUNDER”. WHICH BREAKS OUR TRADITION OF NAMING OUR PETS AFTER LIQUORS. HE’S 120 POUNDS OF PURE BABY. OFCOURSE HE ALSO MIMICS ANOTHER BABY TRAIT. DROOLING. IF YOU HAVE VISITED YOUALREADY KNOW THIS. IF YOU HAVEN’T, STOP ON BY AND GET INITIATED INTO THETHUNDER WET CROTCH CLUB. CHRISSY SAYS I’M JEALOUS OF HIM BECAUSE HE CAN LICKHIMSELF. I TOLD CHRISSY IF I COULD DO THAT I NEVER WOULD HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED.

APRIL 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

I HAD A VACATION IN APRIL. CHRIS WENT TO CALIFORNIA TO VISITMY PARENTS. THEY TOOK HER TO A TRUCKSTOP IN PALM SPRINGS. THEN BACK TO THEIRHOUSE. ACCORDING TO CHRIS, THIS WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF HER VISIT. ACTUALLY THEYWERE TRYING TO FIND SOME SUNSHINE FOR HER, BUT SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED HERE. ITWAS A BEAUTIFUL SPRING WEEK IN CHICAGO. SINCE THUNDER AND I WERE HOME ALONE. ITAUGHT HIM HOW TO PEE HIS NAME ON THE DRIVEWAY. AND HE TRIED TO TEACH ME HOW TOLICK MYSELF. WE BOTH STILL NEED SOME PRACTICE.

MY HOCKEY TEAM LOST THE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME IN A THRILLINGOVERTIME GAME. SHOWING FOR A CHANGE THAT WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GROWING UP, WEADMITTED IT WAS A GOOD GAME EVEN THOUGH WE LOST.

MAY 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

BOB OCHI MOVED IN WITH US WHILE HE SEARCHED FOR A HOUSE. OFCOURSE THIS BROUGHT BACK MEMORY’S OF OUR OLD APARTMENT KNOWN AS THE CAVE. THEONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEN AND NOW WAS THE INCREDIBLE LACK OF SEX...NOW!

I BOUGHT THIS COMPUTER AND CHRISSY PLANTED A GARDEN OUTBEHIND THE GARAGE. WE ATE FROM THAT GARDEN FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER AND FALL.

JUNE 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

WE WATCHED O. J. DRIVE AROUND SO. CAL.. JUST LIKE YOU DID.ADMIT IT. YOU WANTED TO SEE HIM SHOOT HIMSELF. NOW WE ALL WISH HE HAD SO WEWOULDN’T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME WATCHING COURT T.V.

JULY 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

ONE OF THE THINGS YOU LEARN AS A NEW PARENT IS THAT YOU MUSTBUILD A FENCE TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM YOUR CHILDREN. SO I BEGAN PUTTING UP AFENCE AROUND OUR YARD FOR THUNDER.

AUGUST 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

WE WENT TO NYC AND BOSTON. WE HAD A GREAT TIME. NYC IS AGREAT PLACE TO VISIT. ESPECIALLY IF MY AUNT MARYANN IS COOKING YOUR MEALS. THESIGHTS ARE OKAY, BUT HER ITALIAN FOOD MAKES THE TRIP WORTHWHILE. WE ALSOVISITED THE TEMPLE OF THE GODS... THE CYCLONE IN CONEY ISLAND. THAT IS THEGREATEST ROLLERCOASTER IN THE WORLD. ALSO VISITED THE STATUE OF LIBERTY ANDELLIS ISLAND FOR THE FIRST TIME. THAT WAS COOL. HAD TO RETURN OUR METS AND REDSOX TICKETS DUE TO BASEBALL STRIKE. SO WHAT, TURNS OUT I DIDN’T MISS BASEBALLAT ALL, I STILL HAD A FENCE TO BUILD.

SEPTEMBER 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

OCHI MOVED OUT. HE LEFT ME ONCE AGAIN. OH WELL, AT LEAST IFINISHED THE FENCE. IT COST ME MY TWO FRONT TEETH , THANKS TO SOME FINEHANDLING OF THE POST HOLE DIGGERS. THAT’S OKAY, NOW I CAN BEGIN MY CHRISTMASWISH LIST.

OCTOBER 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

MY COUSIN KAREN CAME TO VISIT. NOW THAT WAS A REAL HIGHLIGHTFOR THE YEAR. WE MET HER HUSBAND KEN. YES HE IS A GREAT GUY, SO THOSE OF YOUWHO HAVEN’T MET HIM YET CAN QUIT ASKING US ABOUT KEN. THEY BOTH LOOKED GREATCONSIDERING THEY SPENT 5 MONTHS ON THE ROAD. CHRIS AND I WENT TO CALI TO VISITMY PARENTS. I HADN’T SEEN THEM FOR AWHILE. IT WAS GOOD TO SEE THEM. WE WENT TOMY BROTHER GEORGIE’S HALLOWEEN PARTY. WE WENT AS SID VICIOUS AND HIS GIRLFRIENDNANCY. THAT’S US, PUNK ROCK JUNKIES!

NOVEMBER 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

I TURNED 30. SOME FUCKING HIGHLIGHT HUH.

DECEMBER 1994 HIGHLIGHTS

CHRISSY RECEIVED A PROMOTION TO SENIOR KEEPER. WHICH MEANSMORE MONEY AND MORE PEOPLE WHO WORK AT THE ZOO ARE YOUNGER THAN HER. ALSO, IACTUALLY PRINTED A STUPID YEAR IN REVIEW AND SENT IT OUT WITH OUR CHRISTMASCARDS. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM ALL OFUS.

GREGG,CHRISTY, THUNDER, AMARETTO, ASTI & J.D.

P.S. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT ABUSING ME FOR THIS . IF YOU DOI WON’T SEND YOU ONE NEXT YEAR.

December 6, 2011 Coney Island Videos

2012-01-13T22:47:00.004-06:00

Here's my three favorite videos shot in Coney Island. In no particular order.

Sixteen by The Heavy

So You Don't Have To Love Me Anymore by Alan Jackson

The last is a personal favorite and can be found at this link

http://www.100eyes.org/2010/07/coney-island-workshop-slideshow/

December 5, 2011 Where is the DCFS?

2012-01-13T22:40:00.002-06:00

If the Department of Child & Family Services can take children away from drug addicted, abusive parents, then why can't they take children away from parents like this?

December 4, 2011 Guitar Loving Dog

2012-01-13T21:23:00.006-06:00

This dog has such an expressive face, it makes me laugh every time I see this video.

December 3, 2011 Fear of Gay Marriage

2012-01-13T20:20:00.002-06:00

The religious right and corporate loving right wingers don't understand logic so here is something they can understand...a simple pie chart. I continue to say blind faith, ignorance and voting against your own interests are destroying this country.

December 2, 2011 Bauer Shin Guards

2012-01-07T07:32:00.002-06:00

My recent purchase of new hockey shin guards included a sheet of instructions/warnings in twenty different languages. I'm sure this will drive some Americans crazy because the ignorant among us believe English is the only language that matters. It makes me laugh when they say "This is America speak English". Technically the English language comes from a foriegn country. But who I am I to question their logic? Anyway I was impressed that hockey equipment is the most universal item I have ever bought. FYI, here's all the languages listed

English

Francias

Deutsch

Nederlands

Suomi

Magyar - no idea where this is spoken but a quick google search says Hungarian

Estonian

Romana

Lietuviu Kalba

Svenska

Espanol

Polish

Dansk

Italiano

Czech

Slovak

Slovanian

Latvian

Portugues

Norsk

December 1, 2011 One Of A Kind Show

2012-01-07T07:19:00.000-06:00

The One Of A Kind Show is a great place to get your Christmas shopping done. You can avoid malls, boring same old Christmas gifts and support artists who create unique gifts that can't be found anywhere else.

November 30, 2011 Life Sure Was Different In The Sixties.

2012-01-03T21:48:00.001-06:00

Look how easy it was to pick up women in the sixties.

November 29, 2011 Beer is Good For Nursing Moms?

2012-01-03T21:43:00.001-06:00

"A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits. The malt in beer supplies nourishing qualities that are essential at this time and hops act as an appetizing, stimulating tonic."

Some ads do pass the test of time. I'm sure this is true today...just not in the way originally intended.

November 28, 2011 A Dog's Life

2012-01-03T21:34:00.001-06:00

This pretty much sums up a day in my dogs life.

November 27, 2011 The Stinky Glove

2012-01-03T21:32:00.003-06:00

I always thought I could write a book about my 30 years of playing men's league hockey. I have so many funny, unbelievable and inspiring stories. But I never could imagine this story. Check it out on DeadSpin.

November 26, 2011 "Have A Fag"

2012-01-03T21:27:00.003-06:00

Some ads just don't stand the test of time.

November 25, 2011 Happy Birthday #2

2012-01-03T21:25:00.004-06:00

On the inside it reads..."It's only a birthday- don't sweat the small stuff!"

This one is from Chrissy's Aunt.

Thanks Marilyn

November 24, 2011 Happy Birthday #1

2012-01-03T21:20:00.004-06:00

This one was from my loving wife.

November 23, 2011 Washing The Dog

2012-01-01T16:37:00.000-06:00

I wish it was this easy to give Oslo a bath.

November 22, 2011 Dogs Body Skiing

2011-12-29T21:32:00.001-06:00

I thought my Pyr Oslo was a goofball. These two are hilarious.

November 21, 2011 Gorillas In The Mist...Or Jungle Friends

2011-12-28T19:38:00.000-06:00

Now this is an amazing vacation video.

November 20, 2011 Cool Chevy Ad #4

2011-12-11T15:37:00.003-06:00

November 19, 2011 Cool Chevy Ad #3

2011-12-11T15:37:00.001-06:00

November 18, 2011 Cool Chevy Ad #2

2011-12-11T15:36:00.001-06:00

November 17, 2011 Mountain Biking In Alaska

2011-12-11T15:31:00.001-06:00

Mountain biking in the snow in Alaska. This made me feel like a real pussy. I might have to get some fat snow tires and try this here in Chicago.

Here's link if no video appears.

November 16, 2011 Chevy Billboard

2011-12-11T15:27:00.001-06:00

Here's an ad directed at us old timers, too bad they don't make great cars like the one pictured anymore.

November 15, 2011 Fuck Ticketmaster

2011-12-11T15:25:00.001-06:00

Here's an email I recieved about a class action lawsuit against a scumbag company.

SUPERIOR COURT OF THE STATEOF CALIFORNIA - COUNTY OF LOS ANGELES

CURT SCHLESINGER and PETER LO RE,
on behalf of themselves and the Class,
v.
TICKETMASTER, a Delaware Corporation,

)
)
)
)

No. BC304565

NOTICE OF PROPOSED
SETTLEMENT OF CLASS ACTION

Thisproposed settlement ("Settlement") is on behalf of a nationwide classof consumers (the "Class") who (1) purchased tickets onTicketmaster's website, www.ticketmaster.com ("theWebsite") between October 21, 1999 and October 19, 2011 (the "ClassPeriod"), (2) paid money to Defendant Ticketmaster for an Order ProcessingFee ("OPF") that was not refunded, (3) did not and do not opt-out ofthe Class, and (4) were residents of one of the fifty United States at the timeof their purchase.Excluded from the Class are (a) Ticketmaster, (b) any entities in whichTicketmaster has a controlling interest or which have a controlling interest inTicketmaster, (c) the officers, directors, employees, affiliates, and attorneysof Ticketmaster, or (d) any employee or officer of the Court or their immediatefamily members.

The proposed Settlement is also on behalf of a nationwide subclass(the "UPS Subclass") of all Class Members who paid a delivery pricefor expedited delivery of their tickets via UPS (the "DeliveryPrice").

The Class asserts claims that Ticketmaster's OPF is excessive anddeceptive. The UPS Subclass asserts claims that Ticketmaster's UPS deliverycharges are excessive and deceptive.

If you are a member of the Class and do not opt out of this proposedSettlement as set forth below, the Settlement will resolve your claims ifapproved by the Court.

On May 29, 2012 at 8:30 a.m., there will be a Final Approval hearing for theCourt to determine whether to approve the settlement described below. Thehearing will be held before Judge Kenneth R. Freeman, in Department 64 of theSuperior Court of the State of California for the County of Los Angeles,located at 111 North Hill Street, Los Angeles, California 90012.

The proposed Settlement will provide a combination of benefits to the Classand UPS Subclass. Additionally, Lead Class counsel (identified below) willapply for up to $16.5 million in attorneys' fees and expense reimbursements tocounsel for the class and for an incentive award of $20,000 to each of theclass representatives. Ticketmaster has agreed not to oppose that request andthe Court will decide how much to award to Class counsel and the classrepresentatives. The specific terms of the settlement are described in aSettlement Agreement and Release. This Notice does not change the terms of theSettlement Agreement, and is intended as a short summary of that document,which will be made available for your review on the Litigation Website asdescribed below. In the event of any conflict between this document and theterms of the Settlement Agreement, the terms of the Settlement Agreement willgovern.

SUMMARY OF YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS& OPTIONS¹
(DETAILED DESCRIPTION FOLLOWS)

OPF CLAIMS - ALL CLASS MEMBERS

RECEIVE TICKETMASTER CREDITS

If you take no action, and the settlement is approved by the Court, you will automatically receive, via email at the most recent email address associated with your purchases on Ticketmaster.com, discount codes ("Codes") which can be used for future purchases for U.S. events from Ticketmaster's Website (except for events at venues owned or operated by AEG as set forth in the Settlement Agreement). For each transaction that you made during the Class Period, you will receive one code via email for a $1.50 discount, up to a maximum of 17 codes. This does not include the additional benefits, for the UPS Subclass members, which are described below. The Codes may be combined up to a maximum of two credits ($3.00) that may be applied on future transactions as described above. The Codes are non-transferable, expire 48 months from distribution, and may be redeemed only for purchases made using the email address to which they were sent (or an updated address provided to the Claims Administrator or Ticketmaster and verified as belonging to the Class Member).

UPS SUBCLASS MEMBERS

RECEIVE ADDITIONAL CREDITS FOR UPS OR OTHER OVERNIGHT SHIPPING (IF AVAILABLE)

If you are a member of the UPS Subclass, you will be entitled to additional relief under the Settlement. Specifically, for each transaction you made using UPS delivery of your tickets (up to 17 transactions), you will receive one UPS code ("UPS Code") via email, for $5.00 off subsequent expedited delivery fees on purchases from Ticketmaster's Website (except for events at venues owned or operated by AEG as set forth in the Settlement Agreement) of tickets that are shipped via UPS or some other form of overnight delivery that Ticketmaster may offer in the future. These UPS Codes may not be combined, and only one UPS Code may be used per transaction. However, this benefit may be used for a ticket order together with the OPF Code described above. The UPS Codes are non-transferable, expire 48 months after they are first usable, and may be redeemed only for purchases made using the email address to which they were sent (or an updated address provided to the Claims Administrator or Ticketmaster and verified as belonging to the Class Member).

ALL CLASS MEMBERS

OBJECT TO THE SETTLEMENT

You may file an objection and ask the Court not to approve the settlement. You may object to or oppose any aspect of the settlement, including the relief provided to the Class or UPS Subclass and/or the attorneys' fees and expenses and/or the incentive award requested for the Plaintiffs who brought this suit. In order for any objection to be considered, you must file a written statement with the Court, and provide a copy to Lead Class Counsel and Ticketmaster's Counsel at the addresses listed herein, by February 16, 2012. You may retain an attorney at your own cost to represent you in connection with any such opposition or objection.

ALL CLASS MEMBERS

OPT OUT OF THE SETTLEMENT

You do not need to take any action to enjoy the benefits of the Settlement, other than to meet the requirements for being a member of the Class and UPS Subclass, as applicable. If you elect to opt out and be excluded from the lawsuit, the Court will exclude you from the Class and UPS Subclass, as applicable, and you will not enjoy any benefits under this Settlement.
If you do not wish to participate in the Settlement, you must say so in writing. Your written request to be excluded must include your name and email address. To be effective, the exclusions must be submitted on-line or mailed by February 16, 2012. An exclusion may be either completed on-line at www.ticketfeelitigation.com or be mailed in an envelope by U.S. Mail or sent via email to the Claims Administrator, The Garden City Group, Inc. at the following addresses:
Mail:
Schlesinger v. Ticketmaster
c/o The Garden City Group, Inc.
P.O. Box 9731
Dublin, OH 43017-5631
Email: ticketfeelitigation@gcginc.com
If you do not exclude yourself, you will be represented as a member of the Class and UPS Subclass, as applicable, by Lead Class Counsel who are identified below and have been appointed by the Court to serve as class counsel. You will also release all claims against Ticketmaster as summarized below and as set forth in detail in the Settlement Agreement.

1. WHAT THIS CASE IS ABOUT:

Plaintiffs have alleged thatTicketmaster deceived and misled customers by representing that the DeliveryPrice was a pass-through of the amount that UPS charged Ticketmaster for thatdelivery and that Ticketmaster's OPF was also deceptive and misleading in thatit did not actually represent Ticketmaster's costs in processing orders butrather was a profit generator which Ticketmaster required customers to pay.

Ticketmaster denied all of theseallegations, and has defended this litigation for the past eight years. Inaddition to denying the merits of Plaintiffs' claims, Ticketmaster opposedPlaintiffs' request that the Court certify this case as a class action.

On February 5, 2010, the Courtcertified the case as a class action only on behalf of California residents whopurchased tickets from the Website, including a subclass of consumers who alsopurchased UPS delivery for those tickets. Plaintiffs appealed that decision, tothe extent the Court did not include consumers residing outside of California. InSeptember, 2010, the Appellate Court ordered that the case should be certifiedas a nationwide class action, and the trial court thereafter issued an Ordercertifying a nationwide class covering purchases made from the Website fromOctober 21, 1999 through May 31, 2010. In October 2010, pursuant to CourtOrder, Notice was sent via email, and published in the USA Today, advisingmembers of the foregoing class of the certification and of their opportunity toopt-out of this case. Accordingly, this case is proceeding as a class action onbehalf of that class. The class also has been expanded, by stipulation of theparties and order of the court , for purposes of this Settlement only, toinclude all consumers who (1) purchased tickets on Ticketmaster's website fromJune 1, 2010 through October 19, 2011, (2) paid money to Ticketmaster for anOPF that was not refunded, (3) did not and do not opt-out of the class, and (4)were residents of one of the fifty United States at the time of their purchase.

2. WHY THIS NOTICE IS BEING PROVIDED TO YOU:

After several mediation sessions before an impartial mediator, the partieshave reached the proposed Settlement for this case on behalf of themselves andall Class Members and UPS Subclass Members. If you have received this notice byemail, that is because Ticketmaster's records reflect that you are a member ofthe Class, and some members of the Class also are members of the UPS Subclass.The purpose of this notice is to inform you of the terms of the Settlement, thebenefits available to you under it, how this lawsuit and the Settlement mayaffect your legal rights, important upcoming deadlines relating to theSettlement, and the steps you must take if you want to object to or opt out ofthe Settlement.

3. SETTLEMENT TERMS: If the Court approves the settlement,it will provide the following:

A. Monetary Benefits To Class Members.

(a) Class.

Each Class Member who (i) has an eligible claim, (ii) has not been convictedof a felony pertaining to his/her purchases of tickets over the Website andcertifies that he/she has not been so convicted and also certifies that he/shedid not use computer "bots" or other software to disguise his/hertrue identity and/or avoid the tickets per transaction limits on the Website,and (iii) has not filed a timely opt-out, as applicable, shall receive thefollowing benefits: a code ("Code") for each purchase transaction(i.e. per order, not per ticket) entered into from the Website during the ClassPeriod, (up to a maximum of 17 transactions/codes) entitling each Class Memberto a credit in the amount of one dollar and fifty cents ($1.50) per transactionwhich will be deducted from future purchases from Ticketmaster on the Websitefor events occurring at venues located in the United States (excluding eventsat venues owned and operated by AEG). The Codes may be combined, up to amaximum of two credits totaling three dollars ($3.00). The Codes arenon-transferable.

(b) UPS Subclass.

Each UPS Subclass Member who (i) has an eligible claim, (ii) has not beenconvicted of a felony pertaining to his/her purchases of tickets over theWebsite and certifies that he/she has not been so convicted and also certifiesthat he/she did not use computer "bots" or other software to disguisehis/her true identity and/or avoid the tickets per transaction limits on theWebsite, and (iii) has not filed a timely opt-out, as applicable, will receivethe following benefits (unless the payments you made for UPS already wererefunded - for example, where you cancelled your purchase order on the same dayyou made the purchase order): for each purchase up to 17 transactions (perorder, not per ticket) made over the Website during the Class Period, a creditin the form of a code (or codes) e-mailed to the UPS Subclass Member for fivedollars ($5.00) off the Delivery Price on subsequent purchases fromTicketmaster on the Website of tickets that are shipped via UPS for eventsoccurring at venues located in the United States (but excluding events at AEGowned and operated venues). These codes cannot be combined or aggregated (i.e.only one code may be used per order) and are non-transferable. A UPS Code maybe combined with a ticket purchase Code, however.

(c) Issuance of Codes. Ticketmaster (or, atTicketmaster's election, the Claims Administrator) will send the codes to Classand UPS Subclass Members at the last-known e-mail address in Ticketmaster'sdatabase within thirty (30) days after Final Approval² but in nocase prior to August 28, 2012, with instructions that they may be redeemed overthe next forty-eight (48) months.

(d) Limitations on Redemption of Codes. Codes may beredeemed up to 48 months after distribution, at which time they willautomatically expire. Codes may only be redeemed through the e-mail account towhich they were sent unless the e-mail account is updated and verified (byTicketmaster or the Claims Administrator) to belong to the same member of theClass or UPS Subclass, as applicable.

(e) Guaranteed Redemption Amount/Charitable Contributions.In the event that the minimum aggregate value of the OPF and UPS creditbenefits redeemed in any given year during the forty-eight (48) monthredemption period is less than $11.25 million, Ticketmaster shall makecharitable contributions in amounts equaling the difference between $11.25million and the aggregate value of the redeemed credit benefits that year. Theaggregate guaranteed minimum redemption/cy pres amount for the settlement is$45 million. The charitable payments shall be made in the form of a combinationof cash and tickets provided free of charge to appropriate charities, on theterms set forth in detail in the Settlement Agreement.

B. Non-Economic Settlement Terms And Benefits To Class Members.

1. Administrative Fees. Ticketmaster will pay the fees andcosts charged by the Claims Administrator for administering the Settlement.

2. Website Changes. Ticketmaster has agreed to change itsWebsite to add disclosures clarifying that Ticketmaster's OPF may include aprofit and is not limited to its order processing costs, and that its DeliveryPrice for expedited delivery via UPS may include a profit to Ticketmaster andis not the same as what UPS charges Ticketmaster. The language of the changesto the Website has been left to Ticketmaster's reasonable discretion and may bechanged again by Ticketmaster in the future to suit its business needs.

C. Release of Claims. The complete release iscontained in the Settlement Agreement. In summary, if the Court grants finalapproval of the Settlement, you will be deemed to have fully and finallyreleased and discharged Defendant Ticketmaster and its related entities fromany and all claims relating in any manner to the allegations made in connectionwith the claims alleged by Plaintiffs in this case. If you want more details aboutthe scope of the release, you should read the Settlement Agreement which isposted on the Litigation Website.

The release also covers any and all claims for attorneys' fees, costs ordisbursements incurred by Lead Class Counsel or any other attorneys forservices rendered or value provided to the Class or the UPS Subclass. Nothingin the release precludes any action to enforce the terms of the SettlementAgreement. Insofar as this release extends to venues, the Released Claims shallnot extend to any claims relating to the Face Value of Tickets (as defined inthe Settlement Agreement). The Release also does not extend to any claims basedon a breach of this Agreement.

D. Attorneys' Fees and Costs. You will not berequired to pay any attorneys' fees or costs from your share of the Settlement.Lead Class Counsel will file with the Court an application (the "FeeMotion") in this action for an award of up to fifteen million US dollars($15,000,000) in attorneys' fees, which, if awarded by the Court, would representa "multiplier" of approximately 2.5 times Lead Class Counsel's"lodestar." The lodestar is computed by taking the amount of timespent working on this case, multiplied by Lead Class Counsel's hourly rates.Lead Class Counsel has informed the Court that its lodestar is approximately$6.5 million, from the beginning of this case in 2003 through September 26,2011. Lead Class Counsel will also seek to recover the amount of costs andexpenses they have incurred, up to a cap of one million five hundred thousanddollars ($1,500,000). The parties have agreed that any award of fees and costsshall not exceed those amounts and that Ticketmaster will pay any amounts, upto these limits, awarded by the Court in addition to the relief provided to theClass.

E. Incentive Payment To Named Plaintiffs. Inconnection with the Final Approval hearing, Plaintiffs' counsel will ask theCourt to award an incentive award not to exceed $20,000 each for the two namedPlaintiffs who brought this case, were certified as class representatives, andwho have been required to respond to substantial discovery requests fromTicketmaster over the past eight years. If the Court approves the request, anyattorneys' fees awarded by the Court will be reduced by the amount of theincentive award. The incentive award will not reduce any of the benefits to theClass members.

ADMINISTRATOR CONTACT INFORMATION: The Claims Administratorin this matter is The Garden City Group, Inc. You may reach the ClaimsAdministrator by e-mail, fax, mail or telephone using the following contactinformation:

Mail:

Schlesinger v. Ticketmaster
c/o The Garden City Group, Inc.
P.O. Box 9731
Dublin, OH 43017-5631

Email: ticketfeelitigation@gcginc.com

Toll-free telephone number: (877) 317-9139

PLAINTIFFS' ATTORNEYS AND PLAINTIFFS SUPPORT SETTLEMENT:Plaintiffs' attorneys and Plaintiffs support this Settlement. Among the reasonsfor their support include the benefits provided to the class, the fairness ofthe Settlement terms, the inherent risk of litigation at trial and/or appeal,and the delays associated with continued litigation, including a trial andappeals, the uncertainty of Plaintiffs' claims, as well as other legal issuesthat have not yet been determined by the Court. Class Counsel believes that theSettlement is fair, reasonable and adequate in light of all the circumstancesand in the best interests of the Class.

HOW TO OBTAIN ADDITIONAL INFORMATION.

The Claims Administrator has set up a website at the URL <www.ticketfeelitigation.com>for the purposes of allowing class members to update their email information,and to provide them additional information regarding the lawsuit. TheLitigation Website includes copies in downloadable .pdf format of this notice,the Settlement Agreement, the most recent version of the Complaint in thiscase, the Motion for Preliminary Approval of this Settlement filed byPlaintiffs' attorneys, and the Court Order granting Preliminary Approval. TheLitigation Website also provides a means for class members to make inquirieselectronically to the Claims Administrator regarding this Settlement and otherimportant information relating to the Settlement.

Additionally, any class member is free to inspect the Court file, which islocated at 111 North Hill St., Los Angeles, California 90012.

FINAL APPROVAL OF THE SETTLEMENT: The Court has set ahearing regarding final approval of the Settlement, Incentive Award Motion andFee Application for May 29, 2012 at 8:30 a.m. in Department 64 of theLos Angeles Superior Court, located at 111 North Hill Street, Los Angeles,California 90012. The Final Approval Motion, Incentive Award Motion and FeeApplication will be filed with the Court no later than April 2, 2012.All pleadings, motions and applications are or will be publically available inthe court file in advance of the final approval hearing. If you file a timelyobjection as and when set forth below, you may (but are not required to)supplement your objection by timely filing a written opposition to any specificmotion or application that has been filed with the court, in accordance withthe California Code of Civil Procedure. Any supplemental oppositions must beserved on Plaintiffs' counsel and Ticketmaster's counsel by personal orovernight delivery at the addresses below no later than April 16, 2012.The Settlement will not be final and will not take effect unless and until 5days after Final Approval of this Settlement as "Final Approval" isdefined in footnote 2 below and in the Settlement Agreement.

At the fairness hearing, Lead Class Counsel will ask the Court, Hon. KennethR. Freeman, to find that all aspects of the Settlement Agreement are fair,reasonable and adequate and approve the settlement in its entirety, whichincludes entering a Judgment granting all of the relief to the class membersidentified above, and the attorneys' fees, expenses, and incentiveawards.

Any class member who files a timely objection may appear at the fairnesshearing (either in person or by an attorney) and have his or her objectionsheard by the Court.

RIGHT TO OBJECT TO THE SETTLEMENT:

You have the right to object to any aspect of the proposed Settlement,including the relief provided to the Class members and/or the attorneys' feesand expenses, and/or the incentive awards, and may appear personally or throughcounsel at the hearing and object to the approval of the Settlement. Even ifyou object to the Settlement, you may still be entitled to share in theSettlement proceeds. The following is a summary of the requirements for filingan objection. For complete details, please review the Settlement Agreement,available at www.ticketfeelitigation.com.

To be valid and considered by the Court, any objections by you must besubmitted in writing, must be filed with the Court and served by mail and/oremail on Defendants' Counsel and Lead Class Counsel by February 16,2012 and must and include the following information: (1) a headingreferring to the Action; (2) your name, address, telephone number, emailaddress, and the contact information for any attorney retained by you inconnection with the objection; (3) any email addresses used by you inconnection with the purchase of tickets from the Website during the ClassPeriod and, to the best of your ability, the identification (description, dateand location of the event, date of ticket purchase, number of ticketspurchased, and whether or not the tickets were delivered by UPS) of allpurchases you made from the Website during the Class Period; (4) a detailedstatement of each objection you are making and the factual and legal basis foreach objection, and the relief that you are requesting; (5) a statement ofwhether you intend to appear, either in person or through counsel, at the FinalApproval Hearing. If you intend to appear through counsel, you must identifythe counsel's name, address, phone number, email address, and the state bar(s)to which the counsel is admitted, and any Points and Authorities in support ofyour objections must contain any and all legal authority upon which you willrely; (6) a list of and copies of all exhibits which you may seek to use at theFinal Approval Hearing; and (7) if you are going to request the Court allow youto call witnesses at the Final Approval Hearing, you must provide a list of anysuch witnesses together with a brief summary of each witness' expectedtestimony at least thirty (30) days prior to the Final Approval Hearing. Thefailure to provide this list of witnesses shall bar them from testifying at thehearing. However, submitting this list does not guarantee that the witnessesshall be allowed to testify. The ability of any witness to testify is subjectto any objections that may be raised by any Party and subject to the normalrules and discretion of the Court.

Any counsel retained by you in connection with an objection shall identifyall objections they have filed to class action settlements from January 1, 2008to present, and identify the results of each objection, including any Courtopinions ruling on the objections. Objector's counsel shall also identify ifthey have ever been sanctioned by a Court in connection with filing anobjection.

If you file an objection, you must make yourself available for depositionupon ten days written notice. The deposition must be taken within 40 miles of yourresidence, unless you agree to a different location.

WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DO NOTHING AND DO NOT EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT TO OPTOUT OF THE SETTLEMENT:

If the Court grants final approval of the Settlement, and if you do notproperly and timely opt out of the Class by sending a written requestto opt-out to the Claims Administrator identified above either by mailpostmarked on or before February 16, 2012 or by e-mail sent by no later than 5p.m. Pacific Daylight Time on February 16, 2012, then you will automaticallybe included in the Class and the Subclass, as applicable. You will be bound bythe terms of the Settlement Agreement and any Court Order approving theSettlement and Judgment, and will release your claims against Ticketmaster.

An original and one copy of any objections you prepare shall be timely filedwith the Court at the following address: Los Angeles Superior Court, Department64, 111 North Hill Street, Los Angeles, California 90012. Copies of alldocuments filed with the Clerk of the Court must also be sent to Plaintiffs'counsel and to Ticketmaster's counsel at the following addresses:

Plaintiffs' Counsel / Lead Class Counsel

Steven P. Blonder, Esq.
Much Shelist Denenberg Ament & Rubenstein, P.C.
191 North Wacker Drive
Suite 1800
Chicago, Illinois 60606
Telephone: (312) 521-2000
Facsimile: (312) 521-2100
Email: sblonder@muchshelist.com

W. Michael Hensley, Esq.
Robert J. Stein III, Esq.
AlvaradoSmith
1 MacArthur Place, Suite 200
Santa Ana, California 92707
Telephone: (714) 852-6800
Facsimile: (714) 852-6899
Email: rstein@alvaradosmith.com; mhensley@alvaradosmith.com

Ticketmaster's Counsel

Jeff E. Scott, Esq.
Greenberg Traurig, LLP
2450 Colorado Avenue, Suite 400E
Santa Monica, California 90404
Tel: (310) 586-7700
Fax: (310) 586-7800
Email: ScottJ@gtlaw.com

Any objection or opt-out request that fails to satisfy the requirements ofthe Settlement Agreement, or that is not properly and timely submitted, shallbe deemed ineffective, may be disregarded by the Court, and may be deemed tohave been waived, and the Class Member asserting such objection or opt-outrequest shall be bound by the final Judgment of the Court.

IF YOU DO NOT OPPOSE ANY ASPECT OF THE PROPOSED SETTLEMENT, YOU NEEDNOT APPEAR AT THE HEARING OR FILE ANY PAPERS.

RESOLUTION OF DISPUTES. If there is a dispute regardingyour settlement amount, or any other aspect of your participation in theSettlement (other than objections as set forth above), the dispute shall bedecided by the Honorable John Wagner (Ret.).

INQUIRIES: Any questions concerning this notice should bedirected by email to ticketfeelitigation@gcginc.com,or by U.S. mail or telephone to the Claims Administrator using the contactinformation set forth above.

Please do not contact the Court or Defendant's attorneys.

¹You are not entitled to anybenefits under this Settlement if you have been convicted of feloniespertaining to the purchase of tickets over Ticketmaster's Website or have used"bots" or other software to disguise your true identity and/or avoidthe "tickets per transaction" limits on the Website. You will berequired to certify that you are not so disqualified at the point of purchase.

²"Final Approval" shall be five (5) days after thedate that an Order by the Court granting final approval of this settlementbecomes non-appealable. "Non-appealable" shall mean that no party,including objectors, if any, has a right to appeal to, or seek reconsiderationin, the California Court of Appeal, the California Supreme Court, or the U.S.Supreme Court or, to the extent any appeals have been filed, they have beenresolved or exhausted.

^{TheSuperior Court of the State of California, County of Los Angeles, has orderedthis email notice be sent. If you wish to UNSUBSCRIBE from future emailmessages from the Claims Administrator with regard to this Settlement, pleaseclick on this link.}

November 14, 2011 Wolves Fishing?

2011-12-11T15:17:00.001-06:00

Amazing video of a wolf joining the bears fishing for salmon in Alaska.

Here's the link in case video doesn't appear.

November 13, 2011 Damn It!

2011-12-11T15:04:00.001-06:00

When I first realized that someone had defaced this bumpersticker on my car, I was pissed. Then I just started laughing because it is so damn funny. Why would someone take the time to draw a giant pile of steaming shit behind the dog pictured here? A month later and it still makes me laugh.

November 12, 2011 Starved Rock State Park

2011-12-11T10:37:00.001-06:00

We took the dogs out to Starved Rock today. It was a beautiful fall day.

We hiked into Illinois Canyon to start the day.

An autumn artistic shot.

Since it was such a great day to be outside we also hiked into Kaskaskia Canyon.

Chrisyy had to stop and join a conference call for work.

Another artistic shot, trees reflected in a creek.

November 11, 2011 Snowy Owl

2011-12-11T10:36:00.001-06:00

This looks like one pissed off Snowy Owl.

November 10, 2011 My Extended Family Part 7

2011-12-11T10:34:00.001-06:00

My first cousin once removed, James with a friend.

November 9, 2011 My Slacker Wife Part 2

2011-12-11T10:30:00.001-06:00

Chrissy at Belmont Park riding cool old rollercoasters...while I am working trying to support her extravagant lifestyle.

November 8, My Slacker Wife

2011-12-11T10:29:00.001-06:00

Chrissy on the beach in San Diego while I am at work.

November 7, 2011 My Extended Family Part 6

2011-12-11T10:25:00.001-06:00

My Uncle Ed coloring with his granddaughter Anna and his great granddaughter, Karissa

November 6, 2011 My Extended Family Part 5

2011-12-11T10:22:00.001-06:00

My first cousin once removed, Cori feeding her daughter, my first couson twice removed, Arianna.

November 5, 2011 My Extended Family Part Four

2011-12-11T10:05:00.001-06:00

My first cousin once removed, Karissa giving tattoo advice to her niece and her first cousin once removed.

November 4, 2011 My Extended Family Part 3

2011-12-11T09:56:00.001-06:00

My cousin Laura and her niece Laura saying hello in typical fashion for my family.

November 3, 2011 My Extended Family Part 2

2011-12-11T09:54:00.001-06:00

My Aunt Pat with her great granddaughter

November 2, 2011 My Extended Family

2011-12-11T09:51:00.001-06:00

My cousin Mary with her granddaughter and great niece, I think that's the right term.

November 1, 2011 King Fanook

2011-12-11T09:44:00.001-06:00

...on his throne with devil eyes.

October 31, 2011 Nephews & a Niece

2011-12-11T09:38:00.001-06:00

Kristain, Kyle & Kennedy

October 30, 2011 Chelberg Farm Hike

2011-12-11T09:30:00.001-06:00

I took the dogs for an early morning hike at Chelberg Farm. We had the trails to ourselves and enjoyed a relaxing hike.

Just like yesterday, someone cared enough to protect this area for future generations to enjoy. Again I am forever grateful.

My tour guides.

Chelberg Farm House

October 29, 2011 Indiana Dunes State Park

2011-12-11T08:57:00.001-06:00

Sometimes you just need to get away for a day. Today we relaxed by hiking at the Indiana Dunes with the dogs. It was just what we needed.

We hiked Trail 10 out and Trail 9 back.

Now I know it looks like Chrissy is hugging a tree in this picture but after all she's been through the past month...I really think the tree is hugging her.

Probably past peak season for leaf peeping but still very colorful.

Just like the National Parks out west, someone cared enough to protect this area so we can enjoy it today. I am forever grateful.

October 28, 2011 Pop's Eulogy

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When I was told I was doing the eulogy Ifigured I should start with a reading from the Bible. But to be honest, all mybiblical knowledge comes from the Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack. So I willgo with what I know, a reading from the Book of Prince Album 6 Verse 1:

“Dearly beloved
We are gathered here 2day 2 get through this thing called life
Electric word life, it means 4ever and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here 2 tell U there's somethin' else
The afterworld
A world of never ending happiness
U can always see the sun, day or night”

That’s where Don is now and we are here tocelebrate his life and see what lessons we can learn from Don’s life. I met Donas a 20 year old boy that wanted to date his oldest daughter, Christy. When Ithink back on that now I would have taken me aside and said “if you do anythingto hurt my little girl, they will find parts of your body in six differentcounties!” But that was not Don’s style. He gave me the benefit of the doubtand welcomed me into his home to be part of his family. It turns out that hewas like that long before I came along because the Mazrimas house was where allthe neighborhood kids hung out. The strong influence Don had on those kids whilethey were growing up can be best described in a quote from one of thoseneighborhood kids, Jill who said “he was the dad I wished I had.”

Here are a few of the things I learnedabout my father-in-law over the past 26 years.

He worked hard to take care of his family.He enjoyed life. He loved parties, family gatherings and just hanging out inthe yard on a beautiful summer day. He loved the outdoors especially huntingand fishing. He passed that love of the outdoors on to his kids during theirannual trips to Canada. His actions spoke louder than his words. When my friendMike told me he never heard Don yell at anyone, I had to agree with him. Donwas always willing to help a friend, family or neighbor. He probably took careof others more often than he took care of himself. And because he lived hislife like that, I’ve never heard anyone say a bad thing about him.

There was one exception to Don’sgenerosity. He had two things that I’ve always wanted, the jukebox in thebasement and his oldest daughter. Well twenty-three years ago, he shook my handand gave me his daughter. But he must have loved that jukebox more than Chrissybecause he never gave me that jukebox. All joking aside, I believe Don thoughtthat living a simple life was all you needed to be happy. And if you don’tbelieve me, then maybe you’ll believe his granddaughter Kristian who told me“Grandpa liked popcorn and beer”. It doesn’t get any better or simpler thanthat.

We all wonder what we might say when thedoctors tell us that there is nothing else than can do for us, so let me tellyou the amazingly simple and yet very powerful words that Don told his familyas they stood around his hospital bed. “I had a good life”. I think those wordswere his way of comforting them. Right up until the end, Don lived his entirelife caring more about those around than himself. As I looked at all thepictures of Don up here, I noticed one thing. He has a huge smile in almostevery picture. So I ask one thing of you on Don’s behalf, smile whenever youthink of him and even if the memories cause tears to flow keep that smile onyour face.

I have one more thing to say. I toldChrissy I wanted to say a little something at her dad’s funeral and somehow Iended up having to do the eulogy. There was one thing that I could do betterthan Don. I’m better at being a smart ass. Over the years we would tease eachother but I always got in the last word. As usual Don, I’m getting it again. Asyou all know, Don was a lifelong Cubs fan. So when my White Sox won the WorldSeries, I was surprised he survived that. And like millions of Cubs fans beforehim, he lived a lifetime without seeing his Cubbies win a World Series. So asyou pass through the Pearly Gates Don, you can ask that eternal question toyour maker, “God why do you hate the Cubs?”

October 27, 2011 Fall Colors

2011-11-27T13:30:00.001-06:00

My Backyard

October 26, 2011 Anti War Bumper Stickers?

2011-11-27T13:26:00.001-06:00

I am not sure if these are anti war stickers or not, but they definitely made me think about them.

October 25, 2011 Flowers in the Fog

2011-11-27T12:20:00.001-06:00

I can't remember where I took this picture. But it was a foggy day this fall.

October 24, 2011 One Less Cubs Fan In The World

2011-11-25T21:06:00.001-06:00

Peter "Donald" Mazrimas

My father-in-law passed away this morning. He was recently diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. He passed away in his home with his family. He will be missed by many, including this White Sox fan.

October 23, 2011 Stay

2011-11-25T21:02:00.001-06:00

OK dog lovers. Here's a great way to take a vacation and not worry about your dogs. Check out their website.

October 22, 2011 H+ Records

2011-11-25T20:52:00.001-06:00

This is for people my age who miss going to a real record store, browsing through the albums and talking music with other music fans while the store owner played what you requested. It is also for the younger people who never got a chance to spend three hours flipping through records looking for something new or an old favorite. I took the following from the H+ Records website. The store is at 730 South Dearborn in Chicago. Stop in and support a small business.

The Basics

We is me, Patrick.
Said individual is located at 730 S. Dearborn from 8am to 9pm with an appropriate uncertainty factor.
Me/we sell mostly vinyl records of all genre/type/mode/fetish/interest or persuasion that I can find. If it isn't inventoried, it can be, with a simple "Hey, you got this <insert item>?".

Me/The Royal "We"

I was an Environmental Engineer. I got a BS at the University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana and an MS at the University of Colorado Boulder. I spent 5 years in Oakland, CA and made sure nearly a billion dollars worth of transportation projects didn't mess up the Pacific Ocean or kill the Delta Smelt. I don't do that anymore, at least not right now. I sell records, a long time passion of mine, in Chicago, my hometown.

The Store Philosophy

I have a very long, drawn-out thesis about retail, music, and business. I will make it quick. The current music sales model is convenience (internet, mp3, itunes, etc), which I love immensely as it exposes you, me, and everyone else, to a plethora of music, genre's, styles, etc, it's fantastic. There is a drawback in that model, as it is, by design, low weight and low impact, which leaves a huge hole in a typical fan's appetite for music consumption. Sometimes you need something more, be it a better sound quality, a stronger connection to the band, a more intimate experience, whatever, and that's where H+ Records comes in. I'm trying to build a physical location that can serve that need. Something small and intimate that can build upon your fandom through whatever means necessary, I take no prisoners.

October 21, 2011 Well Trained Dogs

2011-11-25T20:42:00.001-06:00

I wish I could get one of my dogs to behave this well.

October 20, 2011 "All We Are Saying..."

2011-11-25T20:37:00.001-06:00

"...IS GIVE PEACE A CHANCE"

October 19, 2011 The Glacier Park Inn B&B

2011-11-25T20:32:00.001-06:00

We stayed at a Bed & Breakfast that has their own cartoon book. If you are visiting Glacier National Park we highly recommend the Glacier Park Inn B&B. Tell Mary & Mark that Gregg & Chrissy say hello.

October 18, 2011 Lansing Lugnuts

2011-11-25T20:28:00.001-06:00

The big playoff tilt between the TinCaps and the Lugnuts...are there so many minor league teams that the good names have all been taken?

Thanks, Fred.

October 17, 2011 The Lehigh Valley IronPigs

2011-11-25T20:25:00.001-06:00

What exactly is an IronPig?

Thanks, Fred.

October 16, 2011 The Great State of Texas

2011-11-25T20:24:00.001-06:00

October 15, 2011 The Parental Units

2011-11-25T20:22:00.001-06:00

If you hate this blog...blame them.

October 14, 2011 A Chemistry Lesson

2011-11-25T20:18:00.001-06:00

Have you done something today to make the world a better place?

October 13, 2011 I Miss This Place and My Last Visit Was a Month Ago

2011-11-25T20:16:00.001-06:00

October 12, 2011 The Fartiste

2011-11-25T20:11:00.001-06:00

This is a real play. If you don't believe me, here's the link to buy tickets. I'll be in NYC soon. Maybe I'll get tickets and let you know if it is any good. Hell, I can tell you right now I know I'll love it.

October 11, 2011 Why Don't I Have Talented Dogs?

2011-11-25T20:02:00.001-06:00

Chrissy found this ad in a magazine. The dog is a great pyrenees that looks exactly like our dog, Oslo. When I asked Oslo why he doesn't make us any money, he just look at me then he licked himself where his balls used to be. Great!!!

October 10, 2011 Mango The Surfing Dog

2011-11-24T08:16:00.001-06:00

If you haven't seen this yet...check it out. A dog's life indeed.

Here's the link in case the video doesn't appear here.

October 9, 2011 Don't Cry For Me, Alberta

2011-11-24T08:15:00.001-06:00

I started my last day in the Canadian Rockies by hiking with Christy at Mount Norquay Ski Resort just outside the town of Banff. She had hiked here with her bear conference friends yesterday.

Chrissy took the pictures here so there is a rare picture of me with a smile as big as the sky.

The surrounding mountains...

...with fall colors.

We had to ask this local for directions, she pointed us toward our destination.

The scenery on our drive back into Banff was spectacular.

I'm going to miss the mountains. The scenery just isn't this impressive biking at Sweet Woods in Thornton.

We stopped at Bow Falls before dropping Chrissy off for her conference.

Bow Falls is in the town of Banff where the Bow River meets the Spray River.

I decided to drive down to Canmore and hike to Grotto Canyon. I saw this along the trail from the parking lot to the canyon.

I stopped at a ridge at the entrance of Grotto Canyon to enjoy the sunshine and the views.

There isn't a trail in Grotto Canyon. You just hike up it over the rocks...

...and along the creek.

There was something different around each bend. I never did find the pictographs on the canyon walls. But I enjoyed the several hours I spent hiking in here.

Sometimes the canyon had high rock walls and narrow passages...

...other times it was wide open.

My old friend, the crow followed me through the canyon.

There is a little waterfall deep in the canyon.

Since this is my last hike, I sat along the creek and just relaxed on the rocks. I can't described the feeling correctly...I guess completely content works best.

As I walked out of the canyon...

...this was the view that I saw. Again I stopped for a few minutes to enjoy it all and to start planning a trip back here.

I had to stop to get this shot of the clouds in the sky.

I had some time before picking Chrissy up. So I sat on the edge of the Bow River in downtown Banff. I watched kayakers on the river, couples walking along the scenic river trail and...

...then this black-billed magpie decided to join me. The funny thing about this was that I have seen this bird almost everyday on this trip and never got a good picture. Now the only disappointment on this trip was not seeing a bear. I sat hoping but a bear did not sit down next to me.

The Bow River in Banff.
There is a beautiful world out there. I hope you get to see as much of it as you can and maybe someday we'll meet on a trail somewhere.

"I had to let it happen
I had to change
Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window
Staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around trying everything new
But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it too

Don't cry for me Alberta
The truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance

And as for fortune and as for fame
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the world
They were all I desired
They are illusions
They're not the solutions
They promise to be
The answer was here all the time
I love you and hope you love me"

my apologies to Andrew Llyod Webber for changing his words

October 8, 2011 The Iceline Trail and Belly Dancers

2011-11-23T20:02:00.001-06:00

Even though it was another foggy day in Banff, I decided to drive back to Yoho National Park and hike the Iceline Trail.

Which meant I also left Alberta and entered the best place on Earth. It turned out to really be the best place to me, because as I approached these signs the sun and blue skies appeared for the first time in a week.

I am pretty sure I wanted to hike this trail just to prove to myself that I could do it. It has an elevation gain of 2400ft to the Iceline Summit which is 4 miles from this sign. My plan is to make it to the summit. The views are supposed to be amazing.

The first part of the hike is up this mountain. I'm not gonna lie. I made it up the mountain and began going across it toward the summit. But I didn't make it. The initial climb took me forever. I was stopping often and at times I had to stop half way up a switchback. As I began my traverse across the top toward the summit, there was still a lot of uphill climbing. Too much for my exhausted flatlander legs. Here's pictures I took along the hike.

There was a hard frost this morning. As the sun began to warm the ground, there was steam rising upward.

The first part of the hike up the mountain was in a forest. This was one of the first views through the trees.

As I gained elevation, the view across the valley of the Takakkaw Falls and the Daly Glacier above it came into view.

Once I got above the tree line, the views were great.

Looking further up the Yoho Valley.

Looking up the mountain I was climbing from one of my many resting spots.

Hey, I was damn proud I made it up here but as I huffed and puffed my way up. I'm not too proud to admit lots of people passed me with relative ease.

I am pretty sure this imposing ridge is where my brain finally listened to my body and decided it couldn't climb upward anymore...

...So I ate my sandwich and

took pictures in every direction.

Then I headed downhill...

...back to the treeline.

Up here you could hear the falls across the valley.

A few shots on the way down.

Wild looking tree patterns on this mountain side.

This is what happens when you carry your camera around your neck while sweating profusely on a chilly day, then take a quick picture.

More downed trees along the trail.

I had to cross this very dangerous waterfall.

Back on the bottom of Yoho Valley

Self-portrait in a creek.

A look back up to where I had just hiked.

The hike back from the Whiskey Jack Hostel to the car took me past the very impressive Takakkaw Falls...

...along the colorful Yoho River.

As I drove down the Yoho Valley Road, the scenery caused me to stop several times to take pictures. As I said earlier, I was feeling pretty good about myself for making it up the Iceline Trail. Then I saw these two riding bicycles up a road that I was nervous driving a car up it. My day was ruined as they passed. It was an older couple, probably in their early sixties. I felt like such a pussy. Actually I was damn impressed by them. That road is uphill the whole way. It is so steep that it actually has switchbacks on it.

Finally good views of mountains without clouds and fog.

Fall colors in the mirror are closer than they seem.

I stopped at Moraine Lake on the way back to Banff. Lake Louise was a complete madhouse so I didn't stop there.

It was a beautiful day but the sun was right above the lake making it difficult to get shots from any direction other than this one.

As I drove down the Bow Valley Parkway, I saw something on the mountain side. I thought it might be a bear, so I stopped. I had to cross a small creek and bushwhack through the brush and trees. I must have made a ton of noise and when I made it to the clearing, this male elk was staring right at me. I had to take pictures from behind a tree because I thought he might charge at me. I was disappointed it wasn't a bear until I realized that I had grabbed my camera but forgot the pepper spray in the car.

Castle Mountain in the sunshine.

I took a short hike above Pilot Pond and relaxed in the meadow grass on the hillside. It had been a beautiful late afternoon but it quickly changed as dark clouds approached.

The sun still lit the trees as the dark clouds made for an interesting contrast.

I could have stopped several more times but I had to get to Banff. I had a dinner date with Chrissy.

Uh-oh, a roadside scenic turnout. Chrissy will have to wait.

I really can't explain this scene. There was a full movie camera crew filming at this highway turnout parking lot. They were all Indian, (India, not Canadian natives). There was Indian music playing...

...and all these extremely white girls were dancing like natives from India. Hey I couldn't make this stuff up. Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. So here is a picture of young hotties dressed as belly dancers with a mountain in the background. Strange? Yes! But like I said before, everything looks better with a mountain in the background. Sorry I am late, Chrissy. I had to take pictures of belly dancers at a highway parking lot. No really that is why I am late.

October 7, 2011 "Don't Be Stupid Wear Your Helmet" - Mom

2011-11-20T14:20:00.001-06:00

I started today at Vermillion Lakes. Today is different than any other day on this trip. No it isn't because the sun is shining. Once again, as you can see in this picture, the clouds are obscuring the mountains in the background. Today, I am on my own. Chrissy is attending a bear conference for the rest of this trip. Now I will explain the title of today's blog. Last year I got hurt riding my mountain bike. I ruptured an artery in my leg that required surgery. I wasn't wearing a helmet and even if I had a helmet on, I would still have ruptured that artery. But as I reported on my blog earlier this year, (but did not tell my mother, Chrissy did) I did fall down a ravine while mountain biking and knocked myself out. I did not have a helmet on that day either. So now the big joke is that I'm not allowed to do anything on my own without wearing a helmet. When I left the hotel this morning Chrissy said she was calling my mom because I didn't have my helmet. Then she said make it look like an accident because she collects double from my insurance policy if I die in an accident.

There are supposed to be moose at Vermillion Lakes but all I found was low clouds and a heavy rain. Decided to drive the Bow Vally Parkway looking for some sunshine.

The concierge, Allan Kucey at the Delta Calgary Airport Hotel had given us a list of waterfalls to check out on our trip. I decided to hike to the Silverton Falls on his list.

The Silverton Falls are just past the more popular Johnston's Canyon and it was still raining so I had the trail to myself.

I hiked along the creek at first because I was not sure which way the trail went. There were several unmarked forks in the trail.

There were downed trees in the creek and along the trail.

Eventually I figured out that I had to climb uphill to find the waterfall that I could hear but not see while below the canyon.

My attempt at an artistic shot. I stood on the rocks and held the camera on my boots.

The climb up the mountain was definitely worth it.

Silverton Falls. The view from the rock outcrop above the falls was incredible.

I stopped at the Castle Mountain Internment Camp Memorial where I learned that during WWI Canada interned mostly Ukranians living in Canada as POW's. These 'prisoners' were forced to build the road between Laggan (Lake Louise) and Banff, now known as the Bow Valley Parkway. I paid my respects and continued on to Lake Louise. It was still raining so I grabbed a pastry at Laggan's Bakery and headed back to Banff.

From the Trans Canada Highway, it looked like the clouds were clearing so I stopped at Castle Mountain.

The clouds still obscured Castle Mountain but the sun popped through for a few minutes.

Hey I repair gas pumps for a living. I had to stop to get a picture of this old pump. I was disappionted to see it had been updated with electronic displays. If I remember correctly, this was an old Bennett pump.

I drove down to Canmore. I stopped at the Nordic Centre and at Grassi Lake. But the rain was relentless. I ate lunch at an Italian place, Luna Blue. Then I drove to the Grotto Canyon trailhead.

Somewhere in Canmore I took this picture. Not sure what it means, but I liked it.

The colors along Highway 1A were brilliant, especially the yellows.

It was still raining at the Grotto Canyon parking lot. I took this picture from the car. I started hiking toward Grotto Canyon but it was raining too hard to take pictures. Dejected, I decided to call it a day and head back to Banff. Today was the first day on this trip that felt like I wasted it...

...for some reason I stopped to take a picture of this sign.

Just past that sign, I saw this huge herd of Rocky Mountain Sheep.

At first I took pictures from the side of the road...

...then I let others pull off to take pictures and I drove down to Gap Lake and drove to a parking lot across from the sheep.

I sat and watched them for over an hour...

...a few at first, then big groups of sheep ran down the mountain and across a valley to another rocky mountain side.

A few of the stragglers grazed just above where I had parked.

This youngster stayed low until his mother came back down and forced him to climb uphill.

In the span of 15 minutes my wasted day turned into something special. As I watched the dynamics of this herd of sheep grazing, it felt like I was seeing something special. Every so often a group would just take off running...actually darting left and right as they ran uphill in big leaps and bounds. I never saw what spooked them. I thought it just might be a way to train the youngsters how to protect themselves. If you ever get a chance to watch wild animals in their natural environment, cancel your plans and just observe. It really is amazing.

The view across from the sheep at Gap Lake.

I ate dinner in Banff at Coyotes. A delicious shrimp and feta enchilada with a glacier beer spelled Kokanee that I mispronounced as cocaine. After laughing the waitress said it is pronounced Ko-Ka-Nee. After walking around downtown Banff aimlessly, I stopped at the bear conference and took a picture of Chrissy answering questions about her Acres for the Atmosphere / Trees For You and Me program.

October 6, 2011 "Your Cat Was Deeelicious" - Mr. Wolf

2011-11-15T20:33:00.001-06:00

This was the view from our room at the Num-Ti-Jah Lodge.

A few pictures of a beautiful historic lodge...

As you can see another cloudy, foggy day...

...so what, we decide to hike around Bow Lake anyway.

The snow is creeping closer and closer to us.

It really is a beautiful lake with mountains around it.

The snow on the mountains on the backside of the lake is the lowest we've seen so far.

The fog gets even heavier as we hike.

Not long after I took this shot, the Bow Glacier Falls were no longer visible...

...so we headed back to the Lodge.

As you can probably tell, I love to take pictures of almost anything. But for the life of me, I have no idea what these people are photographing. You couldn't see five feet in front of you on the lake.

On the road again, hoping for some sunshine again.

A bit of a break in the clouds caused me to stop.

A short hike at Hector Lake...

...was worth a quick stop for the views...

...and Chrissy having fun...

...in the trees.

This is one of many animal migration bridges across the Trans Canada Highway. A great idea that the United States should be doing too.

We grabbed some breakfast at Laggan's Bakery in Lake Louise.

Lake Louise. It is as beautiful as everyone says it is...

...too bad there are so many tour buses here.

It is a crappy fall day and it is almost impossible to take a picture without a tourist in it.

But this tourist offered me sex for a ride up to Moraine Lake. Guess where I went next...

...Moraine Lake.

Just as impressive, if not more impressive than Lake Loiuse.

We hiked a short way around the lake...

...but that damn fog was following us everywhere. So we headed to the Bill Peyto Cafe at the local hostel for lunch.

OK, I know this picture sucks. Hell it is as crappy as all the pictures I've ever seen claiming to have bigfoot in them. But this story is true. As we drove from Lake Louise to Banff on the Bow Valley Parkway, a beautiful black wolf crossed the road right in front of our car. By the time Chrissy got the camera out and took this shot, it was on the downside of this ravine. We couldn't believe that we had just seen a wolf. At first I thought it was a dog, but when it crossed the road you could easily see it was a wolf. For the rest of the trip I kept the camera on the front seat of the car, but never saw a wolf again.

Our next stop was a hike up Johnston Canyon.

I loved the old fashioned signs at the trailhead.

This hike was another impressive hike through a canyon. We dodged the raindrops and were treated to a very scenic hike. On the way back to the car, Chrissy noticed a missing cat poster on a message board at the parking lot. She was laughing and insisted I read it. But I didn't want to stop because I was heading to the bathroom to take a piss. She insisted so I did. When I read the sign pictured below, I was laughing so hard I almost pissed myself.

Click to enlarge this picture

I couldn't stop laughing. Seriously I would regain my composure, then I would start laughing out loud. Uncontrollably. And I really had to pee. So I go running into the bathroom, trying not to laugh and trying not to piss in my pants. While standing at the urinal, I thought about that damn missing cat poster and started laughing out loud. Like a lunatic. People were just staring at me and backing away slowly. Fuck it, I couldn't stop laughing. As I walked back to the car, I was laughing so uncontrollably that I had tears running down my face. When Chrissy saw me she too started laughing. I'm telling the truth when I say it took almost 15 minutes for us to stop. It must have been all that fresh air. Or maybe it is just that damn funny.

We saw this youngster grazing along the Bow Valley Parkway.

And this big boy was at Vermillion Lakes just outside of downtown Banff.

He was entertaining us by eating from the trees, rubbing his antlers on the ground...

...and then giving us this death stare. It must be time to go. So we headed into Banff. Chrissy went to the Advancing Bear Care conference. I sat in a bar with fellow hockey fans (Canada is full of them) and watched Toronto beat Montreal on the opening night of the NHL season. Life is good.

October 5, 2011 Born Free in Jasper National Park

2011-11-12T18:21:00.001-06:00

Fast, on a rough road riding
High, through the mountains climbing
twisting, turning further from my home.
Young, like a new moon rising
Fierce, through the rain and lightning
Wandering out into this great unknown.

And I don't want no one to cry.
But, tell 'em if I don't survive

I was born free!
I was born free
I was born free, born free.

Free, like a river raging
Strong as the wind I’m facing.
Chasing dreams and racing father time.
Deep like the grandest canyon,
Wild like an untamed stallion.
If you can’t see my heart you must be blind.

You can knock me down and watch me bleed
But you can’t keep no chains on me.

I was born free!
I was born free
I was born free, born free.

And I'm not good at long goodbyes
But look down deep into my eyes
I was born free.

Calm, facing danger
Lost, like an unknown stranger
Grateful for my time with no regrets

Close to my destination
Tired, frail and aching
Waiting patiently for the sun to set

And when it's done, believe that I
will yell it from that mountain high

I was born free
I was born free
I was born free, born free

I will bow to the shining sea
And celebrate God's grace on thee - "Born Free" by Kid Rock

We got up early hoping for better weather today. It's not looking good. I just wanted to plug this place. We had a fantastic stay in Jasper and highly recommend The Bear's Den. Once again we grabbed breakfast and lunch too at the Bear Paw bakery.

We ran across this herd of elk on the Yellow Head Highway.

These two decided to get a closer look at the two of us.

Sorry sweetie, I'm not giving up my huckleberry pastry.

Near Medicine Lake the fog seems to be burning off.

Driving along Maligne Lake Road we finally get to see the mountains...

...and OMG, is that actually sunshine.

A murder of crows.

Back on the Yellow Head Highway, this big boy appeared to check on his women. Chrissy kept hoping to hear him bugling. When he finally did she started getting out of the car, I had to drag her back in and drive away. I guess bugling works on all females. I should learn how to do it.

As we headed south on the Icefield Parkway, the weather took a turn for the worse. Here's Chrissy at a scenic lookout over the Athabasca Valley...

...here's a sign pointing to a mountain that is not visible at all.

We decided to hike down to the Lower Falls at Sunwapta. I took this memorial to heart and enjoy myself in spite of the weather.

The hike down to the lower falls took us through the forest along the Sunwapta River.

The roar of the falls was the only sound we heard.

The hike down the canyon brought us to these great views.

I hiked along the cliffs above the river, Chrissy took the trail through the woods.

After carving it's way through the limestone, the water cuts a path through the trees.

As we hiked back upstream, the sun broke through the heavy fog to light up the canyon.

It has been raining all morning, so Chrissy said I should take a picture of the rain drops. Great idea Chrissy.

Chrissy relaxing...after hiking back up the river.

The Sunwapta Upper Falls which we avoided earlier due to the tour bus crowds.

AAAAHHHH...the relaxing sounds of a waterfall.

The upper canyon was very colorful.

This trail has had heavy use over the years and I've seen too many horror movies over the years. I always picture these roots grabbing me and dragging me to God knows where. CHRISSY...HELP ME!

The Icefields Parkway is one of the most scenic roads in the world. I spent all morning wishing the clouds, fog and rain would clear out...

...once they did, I couldn't drive a mile without stopping to take pictures.

It would be a trip to the wilderness with a crow following us...just waiting to peck our eyes out.

Sometimes the hype doesn't match reality. That is not true with the Icefields Parkway. The scenery is stunning all along it.

To see this very impressive waterfall...

...all you have to do is pull over...

This is Tangle Falls.

This is the Athabasca Glacier...

...and this is Chrissy leaving the rest of Fluffy's ashes at the toe of the glacier. The reason we left some of Fluff's remains at the glacier requires a short story. Fluff loved to lay in the yard whenever it was cold outside and especially if there was snow. We used to joke that she was outside chilling her ninnies. So that is why we left her ashes at the glacier.

Since the weather improved dramatically from this morning, we decided to hike to Wilcox Pass. The first mile or two was straight uphill through a forest and this was the view once we got above the treeline.

The Athabasca Glacier from across the valley.

As we hiked across the mountain toward Wilcox Pass...

...these are the wonderful views of the surrounding mountains.

I usually take pictures on the way back down because I'm breathing much easier in that direction.

But on this hike I stopped so often to enjoy the amazing scenery that I took pictures in both directions. I remember thinking at the time, I want this picture so I can relive the incredible feeling of being alive in such a beautiful place. I can now report to you that it worked.

As usual, I fell way behind Chrissy while hiking.

Eventually we made it back down into the forest. This hike really felt like quite the accomplishment for me. As I walked back to the car, I looked up at where we had been, thought about how wonderful the world looks when you are standing on top of it and felt tears rolling down my cheeks...no I'm just kidding...I felt fucking sore as hell...my whole body hurt...but it was worth all that pain.

A quick stop at Sunwapta Pass allowed me to get pictures of both of these signs...

...because not only is it a continental divide it is also the dividing line between Banff and Jasper.

Dinner at the Saskatchewan Crossing is where I took this picture.

A couple of pictures at Bow Lake around sundown...

...then check-in at the classic Num-Ti-Jah Lodge where we spent the night.